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 这问题非常有意思。正好我最近在读斯坦福教授Lisa Feldman Barrett的《情绪》（How Emotions Are Made），来跟大家分享一下。

传统观念认为，情绪是对外界信息的一个「反应」。比如，有人朝你莫名其妙的大喊大叫，你对这个外界进入你大脑的信息的反应就是愤怒，或/和恐惧；有人朝你露出了一口大白牙非常友好地笑，大脑对这个输入的反应就是愉悦。

这个传统理论很符合我们对世界的观察。情绪不就是这样吗？我遇到啥人或事，我就产生了一些啥情绪，大多数时候这些情绪的产生是不受我控制的，我能做的是在情绪产生后去用理性调节自己的情绪，控制自己的行为。但这种「符合我的观察」，就好比看到太阳每天东升西落，就以为太阳是围着地球转一样，是一种错误的假设。

大脑并不是这么运作的。如果每一个大脑的反应，都需要外界信息输入，大脑进行分析，然后做出的话，这个过程就非常慢，对我们的生存非常不利。大脑其实是用「预判」来运作的。基于过去的经历，父母和整个社会的文化传承，大脑像被feed了很多信息的AI一样，会预判接下来要发生什么。这种预测不止一个，根据过往经验，会产生非常多的预测，但最终总有一个预测会「胜出」，这个预测会决定你接下来的感受和行动。

如果这个预测跟现实大体相符，大脑就不会接收到新的信息（没只要浪费资源啊对吧）；如果这个预测跟现实不相符，有两种结果：你选择忽略，大脑也不会接收到新的信息，你选择面对，大脑就根据新信息输入，来调整自己的统计数据，以后就会做出新的预测。从这个原理来说，犯错是我们认知真实世界的必经之路，你不犯错，你就活在自己的脑袋里。你犯错了并且面对了，你的大脑才会跟真实世界发生互动。

预测是为了让你产生反应和采取行动，所以在做出预测时，大脑需要分辨，哪些信息是对身体能量使用有关的（做好预算分配），哪些是噪音，可以忽略。此时，「概念」就十分重要了。当你对一个东西、一件事情有概念的时候，你就能更快抓取到跟这个概念相关的信息，如果你没有概念，那相关信息就会被当做噪音处理。

一个很典型的例子就是，你买了一双新鞋，突然发现街上穿这双鞋的人这么多啊，以前怎么没发现。这是因为在你拥有这双鞋的概念（比如Nike Air Force 1）之前，相关信息是噪音（不过就是一些绿色、鞋的形状、大小、高矮等零散信息），大脑直接忽略。在你拥有了这个概念之后，相关信息迅速在大脑中汇聚成了一双特别的鞋，大脑直接看见。

背单词同理，当你不认识一个单词时，所有不认识的单词对大脑来说都是噪音，都是「我不认识的单词」。当你新认识一个单词后，突然之间感觉到处都出现了这个单词，看剧能听到，读文章能读到，身边人也会说到，以前咋没注意到呢？-- 因为以前你没有对这个单词的「概念」。

绕了一大圈，我们终于可以说回情绪了。情绪跟新鞋、新单词是一回事：如果你拥有这个情绪的概念，你就能关注到身体内跟这个情绪有关的「内感受」，你就明白发生了什么。当你没有这个情绪的概念，身体内感受其实是一样的，但大脑会把这些感受当做噪音处理，因而你就「不理解」或「根本没有」这个情绪。

比如同样是愤怒反应，有「愤怒」这个概念的人，会觉得自己很愤怒；没有「愤怒」这个概念的人，会觉得自己胃痛、头痛。其实内感受是一样的。在《我们内心的冲突》那一期正好讲过，拒绝面对内心冲突的人，化解冲突的方式之一是拒绝承认自己有冲突带来的情绪，这种情绪「外化」为身体反应，他们不会觉得「我正在悲伤」或「我压力很大」，而是「我根本没有压力我只是头疼」（但去医院查啥事儿没有）。

你朋友不理解这些情绪，很可能是因为ta在成长过程中，并没有从父母那里得到这么多情绪的「概念」，而ta拥有的有限的那几个，其实不是「情绪」，而是基本情感，就是婴儿天然知道自己是开心还是悲伤，是烦躁还是平静，除此之外的情绪就要靠学会概念后才能体察到了。这位朋友很可能是成长于一个情绪忽视或霸凌的家庭。

除了在家庭中没有学到情绪概念，社会的一些刻板印象，也会影响情绪概念的形成，比如要求男性要有所谓的男性气概，歧视男性有丰富细腻的情感体验和表达，那么男性就不会获得很多情绪概念，也就体察不到自己的情绪。《情绪》的作者就开玩笑说，她老公说认识她之前，自己只有三种情绪：快乐、悲伤、饥饿。

总之，情绪不是不存在，而是能否获取相关概念，从而不被当做噪音处理掉，能体察到自己的情绪。越是拥有丰富的情绪概念库（主要通过语言来形成概念），越能细腻地体察到自己内世界，对生命的体验，对自我认知，都会变得更加丰富和深刻。

所以情绪词汇表，以及相关情绪词汇的解释，努力锻炼用这些词汇来表述自己的情绪，真的都是非常棒的锻炼哪。你朋友只要这么做，也能「习得」更多情绪哦。

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在讲《The Fund》里的故事时，也有一些留言为Dalio辩护，说全球最大对冲基金的创始人，基金维持了那么多年大而不倒，说他没有投资高见，绝不相信。

其实《The Fund》这本书也并没有说Dalio的成功纯凭家世运气。所有成功可以说都是本事和运气的结合，有时候运气更大，有时候本事更大，但1）往往运气在其中的作用，总是比当事人甚至围观人理解的大得多；2）真正对成功产生作用的本事，也常常并不是当事人想要大家相信的那些本事。

Dalio的本事在于谈吐，文化积累，然后才能得到豪门相助的机缘，名门之后的青睐。在大家都热衷股票时，他因机缘巧合，接触了commodity，也是当年很早理解这个赛道的人。他早期的客户就是用long and short来稳定全年原材料成本（比如对肯德基来说，粮食价格影响的鸡肉价格）从而更好地管理预算和应对变化的大企业。接着也是因为接触豪门多，他开始意识到吸引庞大资金池的要点是稳定安全而不是高回报。

这其中有很多运气（或命运）的成份：他接触的人，他的人生轨迹，引导他关注commodity，给他机会了解富豪。也一定有他个人的本事：并不是所有曾给给予这些机会的人，都能成功。他在个人品牌营销上更是常年坚持，有超出一般人的很早的觉察，他也是最早一批看到全球资产配置的价值的那个年代的美国投资人。

所以如果Dalio多年来传播的是如何利用好timing，如何吸引富豪和养老金资金池，引导大家多元思考，看看全球配置的投资机会，看看股票市场外的期货等方式，或如何培养自身谈吐，大资金池其实不要去追求高回报等等，不失为投资智慧。

问题在于，他想让大家相信，他的成功是来自一种所谓「精密算法」的投资模式，来自他的「原则」。《The Fund》揭开的就是这个大谎言，向读者展示，根本没他说的「投资算法」，也根本不是靠「原则」，尤其「原则」在桥水的施行是非常荒谬的诡异cult体验。

书中讲到了Dalio如何用原则来进行职场洗脑和霸凌，讲到了一个又一个被他忽悠「你是下一个CEO」的人，如何又因为不符合「原则」，空努力多年最终被赶走（或做多年老二）；讲到高层的收入虽然看起来高得惊人，但由于被Dalio忽悠「购买」桥水股份，随着桥水的规模越来越大，要付的价格越来越高，私底下实际上是「欠债桥水」的状态。

有时候我也在想，Dalio热衷玩的这个「原则」霸凌游戏，是他用高收入吸引来一堆人陪他玩的，这算不算一个愿打一个愿挨。但其实细想想，一个愿打一个愿挨的基础，是双方对玩的是啥游戏，有统一的认知。而Dalio吸引人来的时候，有真的说明这个游戏的本质吗？就像他忽悠人为了当上CEO而在桥水忠诚服务他的时候，有提前告知其实他说的「很快」要退位，「快」了十几二十年还没退吗？他在宣传「原则」的时候，有如实告知到底这个原则要怎么解读，解释权都在他一人，他想遵从就遵从，想忽视就忽视吗？

我对Dalio本人毫无意见（甚至觉得他很慈祥很讨人喜欢），对《原则》这本书也没有什么意见（除了一些细节读起来很奇怪，大部分书中的道理就是真的道理，只是Dalio的成功跟这些道理可以说是毫不相关，这些道理在现实中也不可能真的全被执行而已）。我只是对人总是把自己的成功归为自己想要的品质，有时候甚至到一种荒谬的连自己都信，还大规模传播的地步，非常感慨。

人类真是又奇怪又迷人的生物啊。

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人都有过非常自我的时刻，这里的自我指的是更能够做自己，更能够说自己心里想说的话，更少的自我审查，更少的他人意识。

就像一个人不担心说出某句话说出后对面那个人可能会回应 ta 的东西是什么，没有预设，没有猜疑，倘若有分歧和冲突，就让它像孩童之间的那种争执吵闹，每个人都鼓足劲头，每个人都不想退让，没人会因此真的忌恨对方，因为那就是孩童质朴天真的心性。

或许我们可以说这样的自我里包含着一些与这个世界相冲突的东西，但更重要的是它也包含着生命里与生俱来的蓬勃锐气。这样的东西本应该是被一种神入所祝福和接引的，需要环境里有人肯定它，喜欢它，成全它，这样它才能在成人后进化成一种不含敌意的坚决。

很多人拥有过那样的经验，但后来又遗忘了它，甚至在体验上觉得那样的自己是陌生的，回想起曾经有过那样的自我会觉得不可思议，这是解离机制赋予我们的切割经验的感觉，它让我们的某一部分经验变得陌生而遥远，它逐渐变成了一个休眠的进程。

只不过，人在成为自我的道路上需要重新唤醒那个进程，那些曾不被周遭喜欢的东西里往往包含着之于个体最重要的品质，尤其是那些让人有活着感觉的品质。

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我真的看很多电视，因为电视让我们能体验不一样的人生，能从不同视角去理解生活，能看到新的role models（这里不是榜样的意思，是扩大人类经历数据库）。电视这种讲故事的载体的独一无二性，是任何其他载体不能完全取代的。

另一方面就是效率相关啦。

跟肌肉一样，大脑每天的算力是有限的，力竭是会疲惫的。疲惫的时候就要休息，而大脑的休息是切换。所以，一天能做很多事，并不是一定要花很多时间，更理想的是在限定时间内，把大脑用于工作、严肃思考、创意等方面的juice用完。


要做到这一点，对效率的要求很高。这很好理解。我觉得很多人没有意识到的是：提高效率主要靠的并不是什么大的工作方法调整（那比较初阶），提高效率的关键在找到影响效率的每一个因素，然后耐心地不断去调整它们。

影响效率的五大因素是：

① 睡眠，这是最大的影响因素。睡不好毁一天。
② 饮食（血糖低、能量低，效率就不高，尤其大脑缺葡萄糖的话）。
③ 缺乏中场休息，所以边际效率递减。要巧妙插入中场休息，每次回来状态都回血。
④ 情绪状态。负面情绪是连续引爆的，要学会人为干预（比如用每日开心、每日忧心这样的方法）。
⑤ 最后才到任务管理。

最后这条包括：把合适的任务放到合适的时间和地点；耐心花足时间去尝试和设置出一个适合办公/学习的环境，从电脑屏幕高度到键盘使用舒适度到桌面整洁度等；笔记和资料要花大量时间整理进数据库；任务怎么安排最能利用到大脑算力要花大量时间做规划和动态调整。

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经常有人问我如何提高独立思考/思辨能力（critical thinking），和逻辑思考能力。

我能想到的最容易操作的方法是多看单口喜剧。

很多人觉得自己缺乏以上说的这些能力，主要表现为觉得问题只有一个最好的答案，而且已经给出的答案好像挺有道理，自己也提不出更好答案了。这不但是一种单一思维（只存在一个角度，一个最佳答案），而且分不清权威和逻辑（就是听上去很权威很自信很夸夸其谈就下意识觉得有道理，导致自己生锈的批判逻辑思维无法启动）。

首先，单口喜剧的DNA里就写着挑战权威。这里权威不但包括权威人士、权威阶层，也包括主流社会规范。大多数人都那么想，而且不假思索地那么想，这就很有问题，咱不能被带跑，要来好好讨论一下到底应不应该这么想。这就是单口喜剧常见的话题来源。

从少数群体，到矫枉过正的政治正确，到大家都默认的一些社交礼仪，或对某一群人的刻板印象，这些都是单口喜剧喜欢拿来讽刺的对象。好笑，但是也会让你逐渐发现，一切都无定论，都可以拿来讨论讨论，是不是真有道理。批判性思维不就逐渐起来了吗？

其次，单口喜剧会让你习惯凡事都有多面，你可以不同意他人的观点，但你会理解他为什么会有这样的观点（因为好的单口喜剧会把观点的不同讲的特别细致，让你彻底理解这个观点从何而来），从而理解人类的多元性，世界的多元性。很多时候，我是会觉得“哇 这个角度真的没有想到过”的。

最后，喜剧通过幽默来解构复杂或敏感的社会话题，能让我们在更轻松的心态下接受启发，并在面对一些沉重话题的时候保持积极的心态。这种幽默中对社会观察的洞察力，是一种情绪颗粒度细的表现。多听单口喜剧，我们的情绪粒度也会变细。

更不要说单口喜剧中的笑料往往反映着当下的社会议题，包含了长期以来的文化习俗，对人类行为也有一些深入的分析。看多了也是对分析能力的提升。

总结来说，单口喜剧挑战常规思维，提供诸多社会议题的分析，带来非常不同的视角，并带领我们在情绪粒度上往细了走，这些都是思辨能力的基本组成部分。

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在看《大脑的情绪生活》中关于自闭症的研究。

自闭症通常有这三种症状：1）社交障碍。比如回避目光交流，听到自己的名字不回应，对他人的感受无动于衷等。2）交流问题，比如少言寡语，说起话来音调和节奏也会比较奇怪。3）重复一些刻板行为。

传统理论认为，自闭症患者大脑中的梭状回，一个跟人脸识别，熟悉物体识别有关系的部位，是有缺陷的，因为在对自闭症的研究中，自闭症患者的这个区域都比较不活跃。这个缺陷使得自闭症患者失去了正常判断社交线索和他人感受的能力。

但作者认为，梭状回不活跃，不代表这个区域就有问题呀？好像你叫一个人他不回应，不一定就是他的听力有问题，也许他就是没有注意，或甚至戴着一个耳机根本没听到。自闭症患者在实验中，可能会因为其他原因，根本不去看需要看的面孔照片，所以梭状回才不活跃的。

作者发现，自闭症患者的杏仁核（和恐惧情绪有关），在有目光接触的时候会特别活跃。自闭症患者的兄弟姐妹也有这个问题，只是程度不同。也就是说，其实自闭症患者是因为在接触到他人目光时，恐惧情绪太高，躲避目光成为他们缓解自身焦虑的一个手段。但是躲避了目光就等于接收不到社交线索。

有意思的是，作者说，自闭症的某些症状，其实也出现在非自闭症患者的身上，我们把这类人称作社恐。社恐的人也一样，杏仁核过度活跃，通过躲避目光接触来缓解自身焦虑，但因此会失去对社交线索的观察，就更不容易做出符合当下社交情境的言行。

好消息是，社恐可以通过培训改善。但如果培训的时候恐惧程度太高，反而会起反效果。所以其实希望自己的孩子更外向一点，是可以有适度培训的，但方法不是把他们扔到他们恐惧的环境中，而是给予大量的鼓励和耐心说服。

如果说自闭症与杏仁核有关，抑郁症则是跟伏隔核很有关系。

抑郁症的种类繁多，并不能一概而论。比如有一类是从逆境中恢复速度慢，另一类是社交情境过于迟钝（类似于积极拓展客户被老板说讲话白目，不拓展客户又被骂不努力，不知如何是好，这一类听起来更贴近焦虑症）。

还有一类就是无法维持积极情绪。不是无法感知，而是感知之后断崖式下跌，无法像普通人那样持续相当一段时间。比如普通人听到中奖可能会高兴一整天，抑郁症患者听到中奖，会跟普通人一样高兴，但这种高昂情绪很快就会下落，变成“中奖了又怎么样呢”。

更简单的说，抑郁症并不是“一直在悲伤”，也不是“很难高兴起来”，是“无法维持高兴的情绪”。

抑郁症患者的伏隔核活跃度也会经历这种断崖式下跌。伏隔核是负责多巴胺和阿片类物质的，前者负责奖赏和动力，后者负责愉悦情绪。

伏隔核和前额中回（和制定计划及目标导向有关）之间，存在一个联系通道。当我们刚刚开心起来的时候，是伏隔核活跃。但如果要保持这种开心的情绪，就需要前额中回对伏隔核进行持续沟通，类似我们的理性在不断重复“哎，发生了这件事可真高兴，可真值得乐一阵子”，伏隔核不断接收到这种“说服”，就持续高兴。

但抑郁症患者的这个沟通似乎出了一些问题，伏隔核高兴了一下子，后续再也没有来自前额中回的持续情绪增强了，就好像前额中回叫了好几声，伏隔核没反应，前额中回就放弃了。

从这个机制来说，认知和行为疗法就是有用的：只要能让前额中回不放弃，不断说服，伏隔核就会比之前好一点，多少会持续反应一下。有些行为疗法就会让抑郁症患者说出让自己得到满足感的事件（比如做公益或跟朋友聚会），然后把它变成强制性的重复行为，这就是把前额中回（负责计划和目标导向）和伏隔核（产生满足感）之间反复 link 起来锻炼，然后期望两者的联系就此得到加强。在一些研究中，这种疗法的复发率是比药物疗法要低的。

其实这种行为疗法，对于非抑郁症领域也是有用的：找出让自己觉得开心的事，把它变成重复性强制计划，就是在不断增强前额中回和伏隔核之间的关系，锻炼“理性说服自己保持积极情绪”的能力。

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第一个因素是边缘共震。《爱的起源》里有讲到，思乡病，其实就是人到了一个陌生的环境中，过去熟悉的边缘共震对象都突然消失，但还没有建立起新的共震体系，从而身体各项机能逐渐紊乱的一种感受。

第二个因素是情绪文化适应。《情绪》里有讲到，除了语言、生活习俗之外，还有一种差异是情绪，也就是说，大脑对情绪反应的预测在不同文化下是不一样的，进入到一个新的情绪文化，会频繁产生预测错误，给身体造成很大的压力。

年纪越小，受到这两个因素的影响越大。

一个有独立能力的孩子到了国外/陌生的城市，也许能很快学会语言/方言，很快交到新朋友，很快融入学校的社交圈，当地的生活，表面上看起来，没有什么问题。但他们在经历突然离开亲人，离开从小熟悉的边缘共震系统，需要重建的过程；同时，他们的大脑在不断预测出错，身体预算就会过度支出。

成年人会比孩子好很多，但其实受到的影响也很大。从这个角度来说，考虑换一个城市生活时，要去的那个城市的文化其实非常重要，要尽量贴近自己熟悉的文化，转换受到的冲击才会最小化哦。

Ah, what should a man desire?
Is it better to remain quiet?
Or hang on, holding tight?
Is it better to press on?
Should he build himself a house?
Should he live in tents?
Should he trust the rocks?
Even solid rocks can quake.

There is no answer fit for all!
Let each man look to himself,
Let each man decide where to dwell,
And he who stands, let him not fall!

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在和人谈及关于写作的一些经验时，我意识到写东西（表达而非论述意义上的），它其实是有经验层级的。有人说自己总是写不出来东西，这其实是预设了一种关于写作的理想状态，那就是我们应该有想要表达的对象，以及能够用精妙的语言去组织它。真实的情况是，我们可能想表达些什么，但无法用语言为它赋予形体。 在我的个人经验中，写作是一件和情感（包含情绪）有关的事情，它最好以任何被扰动形式在内心深处泛起了一些涟漪，写作不过是把这些涟漪的荡漾形式和频率转换成了一种语言的形状。所以每当我写什么东西的时候，我都会先进行一个心理下沉的动作，就像一个潜水者那样，纵身向着自己的经验更深处跃入，你会不断接近自己更有感受性的那部分区域。 我在任何时候都能写出来东西，但这只限于第一个层级，就像你凭借自己过往的经验和能力，硬凹也能凹出来一段看得过去的话，有时候它也能精致到让外人看起来和平时没什么差别，但在体验层面，你耗费了很大的精力，它让这个过程不再有趣，所以我很少会在这个状态下去写东西。 当来到第二个层级的时候，我才有表达的欲望，这时候的你往往是受到了一些扰动，比如听音乐的时候，阅读的时候，看到别人分享了某些经验的时候。它就像是你在对境生心，某些经验被激活，它已经具备了被组织成一段有感受也有意义的内容的可能性，我的分享大部分时候都是在这种状态下完成的。 第三个层级是什么呢？你被感受填满了，已经到了非说不可的程度，你已经不在意言语的形态，它们涌出的迫切性已经远远大过了你为其量体裁衣的考虑。那是一种完全忘我的，不再需要努力将情感冲动转译成语言符号畅通无阻，言语和感受的界限消失了，你所说出来的，刚好就是你能感受到的，你的情绪就是你的思考。 如果卡在第一个层级，说明我们的扰动性输入太少，缺少真正有感觉的生活体验，体验的情境单一，不能“有所住而生其心”。 在第二个层级中，我们被一些东西扰动，然后想要分享一些什么。如果你不是抱着对于写作的要求，那么不用去考虑它的措辞形态，只要言说即可，无论它松散还是无序，重复还是冗余，只要它能负载你情感，先让经验流动起来，然后再为它寻找适合的容器。 第三个层级可望而不可求，它需要一些运气，它或喜或悲却也极度纯粹，就像是古代某些诗人写下千古绝句的那些时刻，它让人抑制不住那种分享的冲动，那时候的我们已经不在乎倾听者是谁，是不是存在倾听者。

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决定学习效率的最大前置条件是我们已经拥有的知识。这就像当我看到一个自己熟悉的心理学流派的新概念时，即便我第一次看到它，我对该流派已经掌握的知识也能让我快速领会它。

所有学习都是如此，提升自己的解码能力在一开始是很重要的，有一些知识相较于另一些知识是更重要的，尤其是那些有助于你掌握新知识的知识。

比如自体心理学最难读的三本原著，尤其是《自体的分析》让很多读者头疼。为什么呢？因为科胡特用了太多古典精神分析的概念去讲述自体心理学的新概念，他已经默认你掌握了古典精神分析的大部分概念。

比如这句：“这些个案发生特定困扰的领域是在自体(self)以及那些以自恋力比多(narcissistic libido)灌注的古典客体(archaic object)，即自体一客体(self-objects)。(1971, p3)”

相信很多人看到后一脸懵逼，因为这一句话里面包含了自体，自恋力比多，灌注，古典客体，自体客体5个概念，这里面只要你有1个概念不理解，就无法正确理解这句话。

其实这句话解释的就是自体客体的内涵，但借用的是弗洛伊德的古典精神分析体系。“自恋力比多”是科胡特创造出来的与弗洛伊德的“力比多”相平行的一个概念，力比多理论就是大家常说的性本能理论，在死本能提出以前，弗洛伊德认为性本能是驱动心理发展的第一本能，你可以把它理解成弗洛伊德视角下的宇宙起源论。

而自恋力比多等于是科胡特对宇宙起源的另一种假设，认为人除了性本能的发展外（委婉的避开了弗洛伊德的宇宙起源论），还存在另一种本能，那就是自恋的本能（这是科胡特想要真正主张的）。在精神分析的关系视角下，这些本能都需要指向一个人，或者说指向一个客体。弗洛伊德的力比多指向的是对象叫力比多客体，也就是满足婴儿性欲幻想的客体。

而科胡特的自恋力比多也有指向的对象，但这时候不再是为了满足性欲，而是为了实现自恋的满足，所以满足这一需要的客体叫古典客体，古典客体代表着一种更加早期的客体，一种在经验上没有区分自我和他人的客体，也就是自体客体。

所以科胡特会用一个孩子使用手脚那样使用自己的养育者来比喻这种需要，而自恋型人格也会这样使用他人，无法识别到他人的主体性，所谓自恋，就是我们用非常早期的心理需要（自我和他人未分化的状态）去体验他人。所以自体心理学是一种发展理论，是让存在这种困难的人，在和咨询师的自体客体关系里重新启动这种发展，并最终将咨询师体验成一个独立的主体。

不知道你是否理解了我上面尽可能“浅显易懂”的讲述，但这一句话将它压缩的信息呈现出来后，就变成了一堆新的知识。也就是说，想要解码那句话，你就得先具备这些知识，有了这些知识，这句话中所包含的信息量就能很快被你处理。

任何领域的专业壁垒其实都是这样形成的，我们之所以难以理解其他领域的专业知识，就是因为它存在着很多已经建构好的知识块，这些块对内部人士来说被默认为不再需要解释，它变成了一种专业领域内的人的通用语言。我们学习一个领域的知识，本质上就是在试图掌握那些通用语言，并用这些通用语言去理解属于这个理论系统的知识。

在这个意义上，真正值得留意的是我们需要优先纳入的经验组块——能辅助理解，甚至解释其他知识的知识，这些知识的掌握可以让我们对孤立零散的新知识进行组块。比如当你思考投射和移情的关系时，你就已经在运作这种经验。

这也是为什么现在存在一种学习理论叫CLT认知负荷理论(Cognitive Load Theory)，它强调的是我们通过主动优化学习中的认知负荷来增进学习的效率。比如通过隐喻来掌握概念的初步内涵，通过比较来掌握概念的精确边界，通过关联其他概念来进行知识组块，而知识组块越复杂精密，它就越是能给于你强大的认知能力。

这是一种需要带着主动意识的操作过程，有别于我们传统的死记硬背，而是时刻优化自己的认知负荷，不断进行概念之间的关联和知识组块，因为零散的知识结构无法涌现自己的创造性。而当知识组块足够庞大和灵活时，人就会具备建模的能力，比如科胡特对弗洛伊德理论的改造，就是因为他已经完全掌握弗洛伊德的古典精神分析理论，他曾经被誉为精神分析先生——能够对精神分析进行深度教学的人。

我们学习某一领域的终极目标，就是拥有独立建模的能力，这是知识、经验、能力的最终体现。

记得以前读古文的时候，我遇到不止一个老师说，阅读古文最好是凭借自己去品，不要看白话文，也不要看别人的解释，只有自己领悟的才是最重要的。

这个办法不能说错，但倘若一个人连古文中的基本字词都不理解，那基本上就是在瞎子摸象——不适宜的认知负荷，在这种情况下，看再多遍也没意义，包括那种说先背下来，某一天自然就理解了，这些都是过去我们经常听到，但从学习的角度来看非常低效，甚至谬误的方式。

我前面说了，学习一个新知识，最重要的是我们已经具备的知识，它被称作先备知识（prior knowledge），就像当你对古文的常见字词有了一定的理解时，你再去看新的诗文时，至少能做到观其大义，也就是说，你至少能处理一部分信息（负荷水平是适宜的）。

认知负荷理论强调的是我们在体验到一定负荷的同时尽量减少不必要的负荷，我过去的很多条微博就是依据这个原则去表达的，所以我很喜欢使用隐喻，这里面既包含大家能直接理解的，也包含结合语境后能模糊把握的，当然，这还取决于大家本身的先备知识水平——看了足够多的过去的微博。这样你就知道新微博的意思，比如自体客体，前缘后缘等概念，这是我过去在不同语境下反复表达过的知识。

这个原则在任何学习领域都是适用的，比如当你去读佛经或者道德经的时候，你可以先看白话文，这是为了增加你的先备知识，增加你的解码能力，然后可以再看一些名家解读，这依然是在增加解码能力。这里需要记住，这些知识都只是暂时的，它只是你增加先备知识的过程（丰富自己的解码参数）。

等你看懂了白话文，并且能和古文完全对应上，加上又看了不少名家解读，这时候知识和知识之间就有了关联，有了复杂性和组织性，也就是我前面所说的经验组块。

这时候你再试着用自己的角度（结合自身的经验）去理解，因为你的先备知识已经非常充分，且它存在多种理解视角，这些不同视角之间又存在关联，此时的你便能从“绝对化”的位置离开，来到一种“有确定感的相对位置”。我之所以要用这样一个奇怪的说法，是因为它和那种拿不准的感觉不一样，这是是一种任运自然、灵活变通的知识水平。

尤其是当这些知识结合了你的个人经验和体悟后，它同时也会具备专属于你的情感维度的深刻性，被你独特的情感体验所组织——情感是经验的组织者。

所以学习的本质就是不断增加自己的先备知识，不断降低不必要的认知负荷——至少能看懂和理解一部分，然后再去补足剩余的部分，直到它被你完全内化吸收（变成新的解码系统）。

Backman's Writing Tips (Ongoing)

Writing tips #1 Make things smaller

(This is a new thing I'm trying, since I'm hopeless at answering emails and I know that annoys people, so: Once in a while I'll try to take some writing tips I get questions about from aspiring writers and write them down here. Disclaimer: It might be very bad tips! In that case, do the opposite. Whatever works for you. Alright? Alright. Let's try this.) "MAKE THINGS SMALLER". What the hell does that mean? Well, I find it's easy to think that a story has to be big, that it has to span over generations and take place in different continents and be thousands of pages long with tons of characters. Don't get me wrong, there are many great authors who make that work (because they're great authors), but for me personally it always helped when I was panicking to make things...smaller. Instead of writing a novel, I often try writing a novella. Because when my self esteem is low and I'm looking for a spark I need that feeling of completing something. It can be just a couple of pages, often I don't even publish it anywhere, it's just a writing exercise: Can I do this? Can I tell this story in 10 pages? And when I'm done, I'm happier, and I find it easier to start something new. Sometimes one small story grows into a novel, sometimes not. Often I use something that I never showed anyone as spare parts when building something else years later: This character might work here, this joke might fit over there. I never see an idea I tried and couldn't quite make work as failed or lost, I see it at as a scrap yard. I go back and dig through the mess and often find something useful. The idea of "making things smaller" also applies to the way I build worlds: I like small universes. "A man called Ove" takes places mostly on one street, "My grandmother asked me to tell you she's sorry" mostly in one building and "Anxious People" in one single appartement. "Beartown" is by far the largest setting I've used, but in that case I made time smaller: "The Winners" really takes place over the course of just 2 weeks. So if you're having trouble getting started as a writer, or feel overwhelmed and stressed out by the size of your idea, I think sometimes this helps. At least it did for me.

Writing tips #2  Don't Worry about worrying

V(I'm really not qualified to give writing tips but this is a new thing I'm trying out anyway, since some of you asked. Just remember I don't know what the hell I'm doing.) DON'T WORRY ABOUT WORRYING. This might get confusing, but bare with me: I mean...you're gonna WORRY, of course you are, and that's fine. I've never met a good writer who doesn't worry all the time. Non-worriers who go through life like there's absolutely no reason to be overwhelmed by anxiety 99% of your day...these people don't write novels. Why would they? They're balanced, functioning, normal human beings, they don't have to spend 8 hours a day alone in a room with people they made up in their head just because they've been terrified of reality all their lives. But you and me? Well, we probably have a couple of issues. So: Worry all the time, and put all of the worrying into your writing, because that's what's gonna connect it to someone. That's what makes it real. That's the stuff that a musician feels on stage, making eye contact with someone in the front row crying: Now you feel what I'm feeling, now I'm not alone in this. Worrying is important. Worrying is key. I'm just telling you to try not to WORRY about worrying. Your self esteem is gonna be terrible at times, you're gonna get lost, we all do. I've never met a single writer whose books I've loved who's told me: "Oh this? This was easy!" Never. It doesn't matter how many books you write or how many bestseller lists you're on, you'll always feel like a fraud. Trust me. So...accept the worrying. Make it a part of your process. You're out here looking for something and maybe it will take some time. But there's nothing wrong with you. You're not failing. Just write and keep writing. You'll be fine.

Writing tips #3 Bad Friction makes good fiction

(This is a fairly new thing I'm trying out, giving writing advice I'm clearly not qualified to give, so if the advice doesn't work I strongly recommend trying the opposite.) BAD FRICTION MAKES GOOD FICTION. See what I did there? It rhymes. I feel smart now. But it's also kind if true. At the very least it's not NOT true. The thing is that I've been told many times that every story needs "conflict", and even though I'm not necessarily sure that's true for all writers, I would agree it absolutely helps. It gives the story reason and forward motion. I do, however, not think that the conflict always has to be BIG. Especially not when it comes to comedy and humor. I think just a little friction is often much funnier. The conflict in your story can go on within people or between them, but they don't have to be enemies to create something funny, they just have to rub eachother the wrong way. Someone asked me recently about how to create a "cast of characters" like I did in Anxious People, and it requires a complicated answer (those are all I have) because I really don't create a cast. The characters in my stories are just what's left, after the chaos in my head dies down. I always have way more characters to begin with than I do by the end, and as I move along I cut everyone out who doesn't evolve into real people to me. As soon as I feel a character only exists as a tool to move the story forward, that character has to go. I can only keep the ones I believe in and truly feel for. (This is, by the way, why so many of my stories keeps sidetracking, and for what it's worth it's the opposite advice of what I've heard is given in many writing classes I was not accepted into, so I could VERY well be wrong here.) But when that's done, and you have the characters you have, I think about comedy like planning a very, very bad dinner party: Try to seat people next to each other that you know won't get along at all. A story, especially a funny story, doesn't have to involve crazy epic spectacular things all the time. It can be quite enough to just put a couple of non-spectacular humans with absolutely nothing in common in a very normal situation where they have to co-exist.

Writing tips #4 Steal a Structure

(I'm not qualified to do this, so if the advice doesn't work: Do the opposite.) STEAL A STRUCTURE. This may not apply to anyone who feels they're super smart and great at writing. But if you're anything like me, struggling with your confidence a bit, some structure for your story might really help. So, for simplicity, let's say structure is basically "what will happen and when?". Not "why" or " to whom" (I don't think you need me for that, I think that's in your head already) but just...a sort of timeline. Maybe I should use fancier words like "composition" or "arch", but I'm not great at English so let's just stick to: "What happens? When?" If you're an awesomely talented writer I think you can just sit down and make up a structure of your own. But I'm not, so I started out stealing a structure I knew and loved, and then I modified it slightly: I picked fairytales. That's how I told my debut novel "A man called Ove". Sure, it takes place in one little street and there are no space ships or wizards or magical kingdoms, but the basic structure is the same as Star Wars, Harry Potter and Peter Pan. Because fairytales and adventures was always my first love, so that's what I keep coming back to. This is what Joseph Campbell called "the hero's journey" in his book "The hero with a thousand faces" from 1949. The first step in this journey is "the call to adventure": This is Harry Potter getting a letter from Hogwarts, Luke Skywalker getting a message from Princess Leia, Wendy meeting Peter Pan...or, in Ove's case: The sound of an absolute moron backing a Japanese car into his mailbox. A man called Ove is a very small adventure, but it's still an adventure. The structure is the same. He meets a companion, the cat. He encounters enemies, the men in white shirts. He is tested, he overcomes fear, he finds purpose. It's a love story. That's how I figured out where I was going. So: If you're writing and get stuck, it might help to go get your favorite book or film or theatre play, and write down the structure of it. What happens? When? Steal that structure. Modify and adjust. Until all of a sudden you start feeling...oh! This is a story now! And then you'll be on your way.

Writing tips #5 Oranges

(This is something I'll do once in a while, if you scroll back to December you'll find my 4 first tips. It's VERY important to say here that I have absolutely NO idea how to write a book, most writers don't. So if the advice doesn't work for you it might work perfectly well to try the opposite. But for what it's worth: This is how I do it.) ORANGES. One of the absolutely most common questions (I would assume) all writers get is this: "Was this character based on a real person?" And I always answer yes, but maybe not in the way that you'd think. Because it's very, very rarely one person, it's many. So the analogy is maybe...orange juice. It takes a lot of oranges to make just one glass, and it might take 20 real people to make one good character. You steal a way of speaking here, a funny expression there, an anecdote about someone's dad at a dinner party one night and a little mannerism from a stranger in the grocery store the next morning. Some of these people I might have met 30 years ago, some of them yesterday, but the closest I can come to explain the process is this: I think storytelling is the art of looking without knowing what you're looking for. It's like opening a bunch of dusty boxes in an attic, accepting that most of what you find is gonna be junk, but then all of a sudden: "Wait...what's this?" You hold something up, and something happens. And you might not know what to use it for right away, but you store that emotion in your brain, and 5 years later all of a sudden you're creating a character and you realize: "Oh, THIS is where I'll use it." Maybe it's the smallest, stupidest thing. But building a character into a human being is just about adding and adding a million little pieces, the reader doesn't need to know them all but the writer has to. And all of a sudden you'll add something that clicks, like a key in a lock, maybe it's the way your mom laughs or the way an old neighbor yelled at people who parked their bicycles in the wrong place. And that's when you give a character something real. Something that makes them feel real to YOU. And then you know them, and you'll feel the need to defend them. And that, for me, is where every story begins.

Writing tips #6 Don't create a perfect space

(This is something I'll do once in a while. These are things that have worked for me, but it might not work for you. In that case: Don't worry. Follow your own path, dance to your own music.) DON'T CREATE A PERFECT SPACE. Every writer I know dreams of the perfect writing room, the perfect office and desk and light and...everything. I do too. But the thing is that if you do create that perfect space, chances are you're only gonna be able to really write when you're...there. And honestly: How often is that gonna be? I started writing my first novel when my wife had just had our first child. I had a full time job, we lived in a tiny apartment. If I had waited for the perfect time or space to write in, I'd still be waiting. So I figured the opposite: If I can teach myself to write everywhere, I can write all the time. So I wrote in train stations and in crowded cafés. I really practiced concentrating through noise. (Nowadays, the best investment I can think of for any writer is a really good pair of headphones, way cheaper than renting an office.) And I told myself that a story can be written on anything: Envelopes, as an email to yourself, or using your kid's crayons to write on the bathroom wall while taking a shower. I often write on my hands and if I'm in the car I call a friend and ask: "Hey! Just write this down: Blue thing in chapter 2 must be same as Whats-his-face finds in the bag in chapter 36!!! Remember: Banana goat!!!" I think I've written down half of all my best ideas in my phone in the middle of a dinner or a concert. You don't need a nice pen (although nice pens are very nice) or an expensive notebook to feel like a writer, trust me. The ideas make you feel like a writer. The writing makes you one. I still work the same chaotic way I did when I was starting out, 11 years ago. I'm still as insecure. And I still get just as excited when I'm on a vacation, at a beach with my family, and all of a sudden have an idea and start screaming to my wife: "What can I write on??? I have to write this down!!!" And my wife still rolls her eyes, sighs deeply, and answer: "If only there was some SAND around here, Fredrik, maybe you could write in that." So I do.

Writing tips #7 You already know

It's a common thing to ask writers about their "inspiration", and there are very few things I find harder to explain. I think everyone who makes anything at all asks themselves constantly: "Where the hell did all this come from?" and "will it ever happen again?" Every time, and I mean EVERY time, I've ever finished a book or a short story, I'm completely convinced that I won't be able to do it again. Because I can't believe it even happened once. It's not just the inspiration, or the idea, it's the work and the exhaustion...and EVERY time I'll feel that I won't ever have it in me to do it one more time. And every time, still, something arises. It's not like lightning for me, it's not a sudden realization, it's little by little. Something during a walk, something else during a dinner or while waiting in line at a store. Most often? It's not a new thing, it's an old one. A memory. A forgotten emotion. I have no idea what an idea...is. But I think, if you are looking for one to write, maybe you shouldn't look forward. Go back instead, as far as you can, to your most impactful reading experiences from childhood. Grab a book you loved as a teenager or watch a movie you've seen a hundred times, play a game you once played with your best friends, listen to a song your dad used to listen to in the car. Because these are the things noone else can copy, what only you know. Everyone wants to be original, but nothing comes out of thin air, and the thing that'll make you original as a writer are the sum of your parts. The combination of all the things that you have been blown away by. If you're stuck, return to the stories that taught you to like stories to begin with. Whenever you're looking for a new idea, go look for your first love. All your tools are right there, and I don't think you need advice about inspiration then. I think you already have everything you need. And one day, when someone asks you where you found that one great idea, you'll probably say: Everywhere. And when you're done, you'll be just as lost again. And you'll go looking again, for the old and the new. And you'll never be able to explain it.

Writing tips #8 Don't start

One of the hardest things to do in writing is to begin writing. So sometimes I find it really helpful to not do that. If you'd like to try I'd recommend, first of all, consider not telling anyone you've begun writing a book. Because if you begin telling people they're gonna ask real soon when you're going to finish. That's a lot of pressure for no reason, so consider keeping your work secret, especially from yourself. You can't procrastinate work if it's not work, so simply try to not let you think that you have actually started yet. Because...you're just playing around with an idea, right? Just having fun, like talking about opening a bar after you've had three beers with your best friends? Right. And since the beginning of a book is always very hard to write, often much harder than the ending, try not to begin there. Take whatever other scene you have in your head, a dialogue or just a couple of meaningful sentences that you think "this will be great for the middle of the story, I just have to figure out the beginning first", and just...begin with that. Don't sit down at your desk thinking "now I'm gonna write for 8 hours", just sit down and say "I'll just very quickly write down this one thing and then I'll go for ice cream...". I often convince myself I'm in a rush out the door, because that way I'll procrastinate whatever it is I should be doing by writing instead. And then, since I'm already sitting down, I might accidentally write another quick thing, and another one. And if that happens to you, I would ask you to not worry about what's chronological, or even logical. Just keep adding pieces without worrying about how they'll fit together. Start from the middle and work your way out. Write whatever part you feel like on that particular day. Sooner or later, by accident, you will have written so much of the story that you can't help yourself but to think: "I think I know how to begin now!" And this way, once you actually begin to begin, you won't start with an empty page. You'll have collected tons of material. And so, when you actually tell people that you've begun writing, and they ask how far you've come, you'll be able to answer: "More than halfway."

Writing tips #9 Don't ask for feedback

As always, this might be bad advice. I'm honestly not even sure what "feedback" actually means, so I'm in trouble already. But here's the thing: I've met a lot of people who seems to think "feedback" just means "criticism", and I'm...critical to that. I think criticism is what comes from critics, after the work is done. That's when you'll be told to have "thick skin", but I don't know how that works. I think creativity requires sensitivity, and very few people can turn that on and off. Most of us are hurt by criticism. Thats why I feel "feedback" is different, because it comes during the work, not after. To be asked to give it is an invitation, a trust. And there's good bad feedback, and bad good feedback, but I really believe the most valuable is good good feedback. That doesn't mean you should lie, it just means that criticism doesn't have the responsibility to be helpful, but I think feedback does. And that's REALLY hard. Pointing out mistakes is easy, but to be able to explain what you liked and why, that requires commitment and vulnerability. Being critical is zero risk, but letting others know what you love is deeply personal. So when asked for an opinion, humans tend to be...critical first. And as a writer, when you ask someone for "feedback", you're probably in a fragile place. This might be the first time you even show the text to anyone at all. So sometimes it can really be helpful to just...not ask for feedback. At least not all of it, all at once. Maybe try asking: "This first time, can you just tell me what you...liked?" Because if you get an honest compliment, and go back to your text, I think you'll often automatically add more of the good stuff. But also: You'll start figuring out what doesn't work, on your own. And then? You re-write. You take a breath. And THEN you go back and say: "Alright. I'm ready for what you didn't like now." And when you get that, honestly, you still might get hurt. But maybe it doesn't knock the wind out of you completely, because you're more secure in your story now. It might even...encourage you a little. And then? You take a deep breath, and you re-write again. And right there? That's where I think a book happens.

Writing tips #10 Be a disappointment

Well, this is not really a writing tip, but a few years ago I had a breakdown: Memory loss, nosebleeds, panic attacks, nervous twitching. I still struggle with it. It’s not anyone’s fault, I’m not writing this for you to feel sorry for me, I just repeat it now and then so young writers might know that it's not uncommon. I went to therapy thinking my health problems came from stress, but they come from pressure. Expectations. And the tricky thing with those? They grow. So no matter how successful you are they will still find a way to make you feel you’re letting everyone who believed in you down. Every time I've been on a bestseller list or at a movie premiere I've thought: “Shit. Now THIS is going to be everyone’s expectation EVERY time.” Whenever someone say they loved my last book I’m convinced they’ll hate my next one. Whatever I do I always feel someone wanted more. My inbox is full of unanswered requests for interviews, podcasts, tours, meetings, selling things, recording birthday messages. It’s hard to explain that I don’t have the time, because some days I need 6 hours of silence in the forest with my dog just to find energy to do one Zoom call. An author talk? Weeks of mental preparation. It's a huge misconception that everyone who dreams of being read also dreams of being seen, writing is just the only thing that makes some of us feel like ourselves. I'm uncomfortable being recognized, I feel threatened when people seek out my office or my home, anonymity is a treasure to me. I wish I was more easy going, I wish I was happier. Less intense, more relaxed. And if you're like me you'll be told “just say no to everything then!”, but if you’re like me you’ll find that exhausting, because letting others down wears you down. I think I’ve disappointed everyone I’ve ever worked with. It’s in the nature of any business to want everything to be as big as possible, that’s why no one will stop you if you don’t stop yourself. So this is not a writing tip, this is for what comes after: Be a disappointment. Write what you want to write. Make your world smaller. Sometimes you need to walk away from a few things. Sometimes you just really need to not answer every email.

Writing tips #11 End things

 (This might be bad advice, and if so: Just do the exact opposite.) When I was writing my first novel I found a lot of advice on how to structure a book, but very little about how to structure a chapter. So I ended up structuring each one like it was a short story. This was, mainly, because the thought of finishing a whole book sent me into full panic. So as a defence mechanism I only let myself focus on the first and last sentence of one chapter, and then everything in between that. Like not looking down while climbing. And since my biggest heroes were children's book writers, I used their structure: I wanted one chapter to be read in one sitting, and for the ending to be a satisfying place to close the book and go to sleep. This lead me to, for my first novel, trying to write each chapter around the same length. (Around 10-15 000 characters in Microsoft Word, which I think is around 2-3000 words, so one of my chapters usually comes out to around 3 or 4 "computer pages", which comes out to roughly 8 to 12 pages in the actual book.) Why? Because I imagine a chapter of mine works best if you read it in one go, as you’re lying in bed or are waiting for a bus (or sitting at the toilet, no judging), and this is a reasonable concentration span to ask for. So I try to tell you a full story within that, because I'm trying to make you feel what I'm feeling, not only the last time you put the book down but every time you do, so that you'll want to pick it back up again the next day. I try to move the story forward at the end of each chapter not necessarily by cliffhangers but by…closure. I don’t write thrillers, I know you won’t come back tomorrow because of all the suspense, I just want you to come back because you felt something yesterday. Because you care about the people in the story. So this is my way: I focus on one chapter, I think of it like it's own story, I start it and I end it. And the next day I repeat. It gives me these little senses of accomplishment along the way, and I really think that's how I trick myself not to panic. Every full novel I've ever managed to finish is just a lot of those 3-or-4-pages-days piled on top of each other. Endings after endings.

Writing tips #12  Don’t Write for Them

Writers often ask other writers "how do you handle critics?". Some say you should read everything, some say read nothing, some say the worst critique is no critique at all. But the best advice I ever got was..."don't". Listen if you want, learn what you can, but don't try to "handle" critics. You'll end up writing for them. And...don't. Critics will hurt you, that's alright. Just don't try to impress them, don't try to prove anything, don't try to win them over. You won't. It's not because of you, it's because of them. So don't. There are always going to be people who talk down to you, who are condescending and mean, spiteful and small. No matter how hard you try they'll still roll their eyes. You'll never be cool, special or beautiful enough for them. That's alright. You're not for everyone, you never will be. So don't stay in a place thats bad for you, even if it's a good place. The people who don't get your writing might not be wrong about everything, but they're wrong about you. Don't stay for them, don't change for them. You'll meet people you look up to that look down on you. It'll hurt, it's fine, it'll be okay. Write on, write more, it's the only way. Because those who say hurtful things about your writing don't want you to write better, they want you to write nothing. You'll never be good enough for them, so don't. Just don't. You'll always be underrated. Someone will always roll their eyes. It's alright, just don't become them, because you'll end up thinking like them, bringing others down, being cynical and cruel, looking for cracks instead of looking for light. You'll end up writing like them. You'll end up loving nothing. So leave them, go outside and be excited. Be curious. Be stupid. Make mistakes. Don't worry about them telling you you're going the wrong way, at least you're out there looking, you might not find exactly what you're searching for but they'll never find anything. You're moving, they're not. You'll turn around one day to see they're all gone. It's alright. They were never your audience, they were not your readers, this did not belong to them. So don't shrink yourself for them.

Writing tips #13  Give Up

To some people, I'm sure, writing is easy. I'm just not one of those people. For me, writing is more often a series of self esteem shattering obstacles, and at those moments I try to think of the cheerful advice I've gotten from other writers: You know, have you tried taking a walk to clear your head? Have you tried reading that book by that guy? Meditated? Downloaded an app? These are all solid pieces of advice, I'm sure, but for me some of the best advice actually came from someone asking: Have you tried to...you know...not? Have you tried just...giving up? I've published 10 books or something now, but I've given up on many more. Very few of my ideas work, but I'm a slow learner, so I keep digging. Sometimes I dig so deep I forget what the hell I was looking for in the first place. And at that point, sometimes surrender is the bravest option. It's hard to turn back. Embarrassing, even. But sometimes a story is stuck, a character doesn't find his place, things don't turn out the way you thought. It's fine. Don't worry. Fight it if you can, download that app or go for that walk if it helps, but if not: Try giving up. Just to see what happens. Sometimes I'll quit something 300 pages in and go write something else, just to see if I'm drawn back. If it haunts me. Sometimes I'll let go of a story and use spare parts of it in another story, that's how I wrote "Anxious People", all of the success of that book came from a parade of failures before. Once in a while I force myself to take out a character, just to see how I would tell the story without her. Sometimes I'll delete a whole chapter I'm struggling with because rewriting might work better than editing. It's a common mistake to view time spent as "lost", but it's not. So, maybe, don't hang on to an idea just because you're scared of that being your only good one. Go look for another idea, and it might lead you back to the first one, with new answers. Or you might use parts of that old one, and create something better. Don't worry about being "a writer", you're already there, you're a writer when you write. You'll find your way. Don't give in. But, you know, once in a while: Try giving up.

People often ask me if I have a "writing routine", and I really, really don't. I do however have a STRICT coffee routine without which I just couldn't survive. It consists of me getting up every morning, making a perfect cup of coffee just the way I like it, in a really crazy expensive coffee machine that my wife bought for me for Father's day because she knows how important coffee is to me. I don’t want just any coffee, I want only the best, because I'm like that L'oreal commercial: I'm worth it. So I use fresh coffee beans that I buy from a serious man in a special store and I don't know the current cocaine prices but I'm fairly sure I can say "these coffee beans cost more than cocaine!" without being way out of line. They're so special I feel pretty when I buy them. Like what I imagine happy people feel like. Like the musical episode of a sitcom. The coffee? It takes a really long time to make every morning because the machine has to heat the water to just the right temperature. Sometimes I use a special water heater BEFORE even putting it into the coffee machine because it filters the water so that something something doesn't do something something with the calcium or whatever. It's an extensive process. I have googled, I have Youtubed, I have not Tiktocked but I will not RULE IT OUT IN THE FUTURE. I wake up very frikkin early in the morning for this coffee, sometimes it's really the only thing I still look forward to in life. It's my last truly reliable friend. I cannot function without it. So every morning I make it and I put it in my special takeaway mug and I let it cool just for half a minute on the counter in the hallway of the appartement while I yell at my kids to get dressed and get the dog out the door. And it might seem like I'm making a big deal out of all this, but let me tell you, it's worth it. I'm worth it. And that moment when I finally sit down in the driver's seat in my car, and reach down for that first sip, it's just absolutely the worst moment of my day EVERY day when my daughter says: "Dad? Did you forget your coffee on the counter again?" And then I buy coffee from McDonald's. And that's my routine.

#14 Do it Wrong

I'm doing this once in a while, giving tips about something I'm really not qualified to do, so it's important that you right there know that I very much don't know what the hell I'm doing over here. Almost noone does. So if these tips don't work for you, trust me when I say it's not you, it's me. I'm basically a lunatic. But...well...if you're still here, and for any reason you happen to have questions about how to write characters, my tip is...do it wrong. It's a very old trick, I first got it from a great writer and friend years ago, and it's basically this: Whatever character you're writing, write the opposite. Because when we're writing someone who is very different from ourselves we always tend to overdo it, try too hard, and we fall into stereotypes that makes them a cardboard cutout instead of a human being. So if you have a hard time writing a kid, write them like an 80-year-old. If you're struggling to write a man, try writing him like you would write a woman. If you're describing a girl, describe her using only words you would use describing a boy. The handy thing is, I've found, that this is the easiest way to expose your own prejudices to yourself. It's also, often enough, a little path to start finding depth and complexity in someone. If you're writing the villain, write them like if you believe they're the hero. If you're describing an object, describe it like it has feelings. If you're writing about a huge forest, write it like if it's a small closed room. It won't solve all of your problems, but whenever you're stuck, I find this can be a little nudge to get you out of the hole. You'll figure the rest out along the way.

#15 Words are overrated

Writers often get asked: "How many words do you write every day?" Like it's a measurement of hard work. I am of course totally 100% very sure that there are many other writers more qualified to answer this, so I'm sorry you ended up with me, but here goes my best shot: Do. Not. Count. Words. It means nothing. Or, I mean, of course WORDS mean something. If they're good words. But 10 000 bad ones is...nothing. Unless of course they have POTENTIAL to be good words, in which case they're GREAT words, they just need editing. But then here's the problem: On the day you're editing, making them great, you actually end up writing almost...no words. So you feel worthless, although this was your...best day. Because a great day can be getting one idea, solving two problems, just figuring some shit out. And you can do that in the shower or while drunk in a bar. I mean...I'm not telling you to go to a bar instead of writing, from a somewhat extensive personal experience I know that doesn't really help, so...what the hell am I saying? Well, I'm saying you shouldn't have asked me to begin with, I'm saying. But if you still ARE, I'm saying this: Writing is not the only part of being a writer. You have to edit. You have to think, a lot. You have to do research, talk to smart people (and a couple of idiots). You need to read. You need to fail. Get lost. So don't count a day's work in the number of words, count it in the number of hours your little imaginary universe consumed you. Did you loose track of time today? Do people keep snapping their fingers in front of you because you aren't paying attention? Are the friends in your head starting to feel more real than your real ones? Did someone just ask you "wait, are you crying"? And did you lie, because it seemed a little weird to tell them that, you know, this person you made up in your head made you sad? And now you're crying because of something that never took place, and then you're laughing because of a joke that noone...forget it. Just forget it. Did you go on an adventure today? Did you name a dragon today? Did someone think you were an absolute lunatic today? Well, then you had a really good day as a writer. Count that.

#16 Like things

Hi. If you want to be a writer chances are that sometimes your self-esteem will go down a dark hole. This has nothing to do with your success, that's not how anxiety work, the problem with having an active imagination is just that you get really good at imagining the worst about yourself. A really common defense mechanism to this, unfortunately, is trying to pick yourself up by putting others down. All great writers I know are fragile creatures, you can't tell someone who is making their living describing emotions to not be emotional, but the BEST writers I know all have one thing in common: They talk a lot about things they like, very little about what they don't like. They get excited and overwhelmed about the writing of others, they don't get jealous, they don't view the success of someone else as theft from themselves. They call you in the middle of the night or burst through the office door in the morning because they read or heard or saw something awesome, something that made them lose their balance a little bit. They express love, which is way harder than the opposite, because in the words of Anton Ego: "In many ways, being a critic is easy, we risk very little." If you want to be a writer, any kind of writer, you have to risk failure. You have to risk rejection and condescending people telling you you're not good enough, that you don't belong here. If you believe them, you'll become them. You'll be one of those smartasses at the party laying out in great detail everything that's wrong with that book or that Netflix show or that other writer. You'll be funny, because you're good with words, and the meaner you are the more superior you'll feel. The problem just is, often enough, that the voice you're using will stick. And now that's your inner voice, whenever you try writing something yourself. So you'll write scared, your imagination will crumble, your world will shrink. Don't get me wrong: If you want to be a critic, that's fine. I've just found that very few people can be critics and creators at the same time. So if you want to write things, it really helps to like things.

#17 Children's clothing

(I do this once in a while without being at all qualified, so in case these tips don't work for you my best tip really is to get a second opinion from a trained professional.) Once in a while I try to explain to a young writer (once in a while writers ask me about things and sometimes they're young) how I go about constructing a chapter where a lot of different things are going on at the same time. In "Anxious People", for example, a young writer pointed out that I was obviously trying to trick the reader into thinking that this was just a simple little comedy when in fact it was also a kind of complicated closed-room-mystery. I felt that maybe the young writer didn't have to call my little comedy "simple", I prefer "stupid", but other than that: Sure. I use comedy as diversion, and sometimes as relief, from whatever slightly heavier thing I'm really trying to say along the way. And in "Anxious People" the comedy and the drama in equal measures served as smokes and mirrors from the little trick I was trying to pull in the background. And so, the question from the young writer was: Do I plan all that out before starting a chapter? Do I write it all in one sitting? And the not very useful answer is: "Sure. Sometimes." The somewhat more useful one might be: "But more often: I write it like I dressed my children for a Scandinavian winter when they were little. Layer upon layer." In "Anxious People" I sometimes just wrote down all the jokes in a chapter first, or I wrote all the dialogue but nothing of the narrator voice, or I just straight up and down made a list of everything I needed the reader to know once the chapter was over (I think writers who actually know what they're doing call this an "information dump"). If I were doing three things (comedy, drama, mystery) I wrote one first, then re-wrote and filled in the other two. Layer upon Layer. Writing, especially comedy, is a lot of rhythm. I need to play it out and see where it takes me, then go back and try to play it another way. Until something clicks. It's just a trick, but I think it can trick you into thinking that you actually have a structure. And tricking yourself is as good a structure as any I know.

#18 Don't Publish

Aspiring writers often ask: “How do I get published?” Problem is, many ask it before they're done writing, some before they've even started. So here's my only advice: Maybe…don’t publish? I’m not trying to be annoying (I often am, but not trying to be), it’s just that if you’re writing just to be published, I don’t think I can help. Publishing, sales, success or failure, that's just consequences. Side effects. Don't write to publish, write to write. I strongly believe that imagination is a fragile magic, noone knows how it works, we're all trying to get lost in the woods on purpose. I’m sure there are genius writers and publishers who KNOW what will be commercially successful, but I think they are way fewer than any of us think. I’m not one of them, and chances are you’re not either. So don’t write to get published. It's too much pressure. Write for yourself. Play around. Get lost. Most of us are just chasing moments anyway, little sparks, a second of excitement. Whatever happens after that is a bonus, happy accidents, that’s not why we write. Most of us are just trying to explain life to ourselves, coping with being a person, getting through the day. We struggle with death, accepting that we're losing against time. We want our kids to know, somehow, we’re doing our best. We want the person we’re in love with to know that before you I didn’t know I could laugh like this, my body had a whole extra giggle in reserve just in case one day I would meet a marvelous lunatic. That’s why we write, to tell someone that you're not the air in my lungs or the blood in my veins, you're the joy in my heart. Publishing? Don’t start there. Start with writing like you would paint something for your own wall. Sing like it was for your newborn child in the middle of the night. Don’t make plans, just write. And no, it can’t wait until tomorrow, it must happen now. So that in a year, you can say: “In 2024 I wrote my novel.” Not “a novel”, but “my novel”. Do it, do it know. It won’t be easy, you will struggle, stumble and break. But all of a sudden, there will be a moment, a spark. A second where you will feel: “It will all be okey.” And that's it, all that any of us can hope for.

#19 Be Good

It's easy, when you're starting out trying to be a writer, to get caught up in the obsession of being "unique". The idea that you have to come up with something completely new and original, just to be worthy of a chance. This is, of course, in it's essence a good thing. It's what drives progress and innovation. And I'm sure there are some people out there whose very first creative idea turned out to be revolutionary. But...seriously? In most cases? That legendary song that one band wrote in 30 minutes probably came after 10 years of rehearsing and playing and trying and failing. That fantastic novel that was an "overnight success" probably came after a decade of work on things never published. That spark of genius, that brilliant second of creativity when it all comes together, it's usually earned. I have a good friend who's a fantastically gifted stand up comedian, @carlstanleyy. Upon hearing someone claim that the most important thing for a new comic is to be "original" and "unique" and "special", he answered: "How about trying to be really good? Do you know how special it is to be really, really good?" I think about it often, I hold it as some of the best advice to any young creative person: Start by being good. Aim for very, very good. That's special enough. Do the work, learn your trade, don't worry about being unique. Don't look for a premise or a world or a thought that will blow people away in an elevator pitch. Start with something you know, characters you believe in, a good solid story you enjoy telling. Don't put the pressure of being one of a kind on yourself, almost noone is, in most professions there are at most a handful of generational talents. Don't worry about it. Every single thing you love was heavily inspired by something else. You don't have to change the whole industry to deserve a place here. You don't have to be the best, you just have to be good. Work hard, learn from others, try and try again. Celebrate progress, however slow. You'll get there. If you learn a craft, all that is special in you will show eventually. For now: You don't have to be unique, you don't have to stand out, you just have to write. Learn. Be good.

#20 Don't find yourself

I spoke at a school recently, a 15-year-old asked for writing advice. So I said: Have an identity crisis. Have several, if possible. When you grow up society tricks you into thinking that you have to get your shit together, that you have to know who you are, choose an identity and stick to it. But you really don't. All the most interesting people I know were once completely different, they dressed differently and thought differently and liked different things than now. They changed. They kept looking. Most of them aren't done, they're still moving into their next age, next life. If you're young, I hope you get a weird haircut, listen to loud music, find art that will knock you over and books that will blow you away. I hope some shitty people who knew you a year ago will roll their eyes at the new you, because they haven't changed at all. They remained small, you grew. And I think that's how the stories of many different people by having many different ones within yourself. Those who roll their eyes at you? They will ever only have a single version of themselves. They live in narrow corridors, but if you want to create something you have to find a window, you have to dare to audition a couple of personalities. It'll be hard, it'll hurt like hell, and honestly? Some of us never quite find our way, we end up being people who don't really belong in any group, having that feeling wherever we are that if we take just half a step outside of this circle we'll lose our place forever. I'm still lost, still uncomfortable, but I've learned to view that as something useful. Because all those years of desperately trying to fit in and understand how different people work...that's how I write characters now. I try to figure them out the same way, one failure at a time. From that perspective, if you want to be a writer, you can collect rejections. You'll use the person you were, wished you'd become. You'll use the insecurities and the regrets. If you're easily hurt, it's not a bad thing, it just means you have thin skin. I've never met a creative person I've admired who had anything else.