2019年1月30日星期三

“拎得清”的上海人(转载)

拎得清,是老上海人熟悉的词语,与现在的年轻人喜欢说的“靠谱”相比,拎得清所表达出来的内容更丰富,语感更传神。
拎得清,在上海人的心中不仅是靠得住,而且代表着睿智、通达、简洁、精明、高效、善解人意等品性。
拎得清简称为“拎清”,其重心在于“清”,过去老上海人问他人:侬拎清了伐?对方回答“拎清”,而现在习惯普通话的年轻人喜欢用“明白”来表达。
其实“明白”和“拎清”之间也只能用约等号,在某些语境下,说话者不能把话说尽,只能“豁只翎子”,此时,拎清就是要能听得懂人家半句话。
在一些老上海人看来,拎得清是上海人的标识,是识人头之首要。
拎清,首先表现在思路清,观察力强,能够透过现象看本质,不畏迷雾遮望眼。
在理顺思路上,上海人用了一个“拎”字很有动感,语义上胜过眉毛胡子一把抓的“抓”字。可以想象一下,拎起一件丝绸衬衫的领子顺手一抖,衬衫立马煞挺的场面,反之将衣服的袖子或下摆一把抓起来结果就七歪八扭。
所以拎得清者一定会提纲挈领,以收牵一发而动全身之效。拎清了纲领,就理顺了思路,由此考虑问题就能走简洁路线,以需要解决的问题为起点,以预设的结果为终点,用直奔目标的最合理经济的路线来设计行动计划。
拎得清,必须体现在表达清,所谓要言不烦。表达方式简洁明了,不啰嗦不绕弯子。把复杂事情深入浅出地讲简单了,谓之拎得清;而把简单事情讲复杂了就是拎不清。
常常看到某些会议场合,有人发言讲话就习惯性地开无轨电车,用北方话形容就是车轱辘话来回说,听着听着好像要结束了,结果原来说过的话题又卷土重来了,由于让人无法猜度什么是话头什么是话尾,说者竟然全无知觉,这就是一种自以为是的拎不清。
人际交往中语言交流必不可少,即使一些看似漫无边际的聊天也在传递着互相的情感信息,年轻人聊着聊着不对路了,出现了所谓的“尬聊”,也会幽默一下:你把天聊破了,或者半真半假地嗔白道,你会不会快乐地聊天啊。
拎得清者,在聊天时必会清楚地知道对方的感受,会照顾到聊者之间的心理气氛,遵循真话不全说,假话全不说的原则,拿捏好分寸。
拎得清,做事体一定要清爽,这种清爽表现在做事干净利落、不讨人手脚,不要人“擦屁股”。
有的人做事很快,但是他一个人在前面做,后面得有一批人跟着帮他补漏。
如在家难得下厨,厨房里从上到下弄得一天世界,帮厨的围着他转得七荤八素;
在职场里干活风风火火,完工后经不起检查;
有的人做事细致,但是常常拖泥带水,干事出不了活,让人看得肚肠根发痒,这些都不免被人嘀咕“拎不清”。
拎得清者做事分得清轻重缓急,而且把好节奏,有条不紊,循序渐进,结果清爽,过程也清爽,给人有良好的预期感,让人放心。
拎得清者做事深知承诺的分量,事前不说满口话,更不开空头支票,说到必定做到,做的常常比说的还好,有的事只做不说,有的事多做少说,有的事边做边说,有的事做后再说。
拎得清者做事知道在合适的时间合适的地点做合适的事,不会盲目造次,给人一种得体、自在、应当的感觉,用上海人的老话讲就是做事体有清(轻)头。
拎得清的人在为人处世上会“看山水”,在公众场合读得懂公众的意思和集体认同的行为,会顾及他人的感受,自觉对标,选择自己的谈吐举止。在日本有一种流行说法叫“读懂空气”,这与上海人的“看山水”倒有异曲同工之妙。
现在被人诟病的通勤地铁里吃早点,公众场合哇啦哇啦打电话等行为,按传统眼光来看就是属于拎不清范畴。
想当年在旧式里弄生活时,逼仄环境下派生出了拎得清的行为准则,那时晾衣服都在弄堂或天井里,那也是夏天时上海人的乘凉地,晾衣服的都会把衣服拧得很干以免水滴落到乘凉人的头上;
酷暑房间里闷热难耐,后厢房的人家即使露宿在弄堂里也不会忘记把自家的门窗打开,让睡在前厢房里的老邻居享受到穿堂风,这些看似日常琐事如果要邻居发声音再做,就少了相互默契的愉悦感,一定程度上就显得又有点拎不清了。
上海男人即使再惧内也是要面子的,如果场面上有什么不得体的举动,上海拎得清的女人即使再“作”,公共场合也会装糊涂,或者嫣然一笑而过,一切回家再说。
兴许是老上海的海纳百川、五方杂处磨出了拎得清的文化默契,其表现林林总总,可谓一言难尽,有的甚至只可意会不可言传。
不知如今的上海人是否还有一份心思去体会上海人眼中的拎得清,从而做拎得清的上海人呢?
下面这些上海话,意思你可拎得清?
【识相】
上海人精致的生活情趣,养就了普通市民在处理人际关系以及做事方面的“识相”之道。往往善于察言观色,会看别人神色行事。既使自己充分施展才华,又注意知趣不过分。
【上路】
“上路”是处理事体通情达理,按公认个规则办事。“上路”常常是别人对某人的一种事后评价,说他“勿上路”是对这个人不满,认为对方自私,不顾众人个利益,违反游戏规则。
【派头大】
上海人讲“派头”,派头是一种气质,也是一种体面。派头不是摆出来的,更不是掼出来的,派头是自然而然体现出来的高雅气质。
【门槛精】
“门槛精”是旧上海“洋径浜”语,来源于英文“MONKEY(猴子)”。“门槛精”就是“猴子精”的意思。这里讲的“门槛”,是一种处世识事的能力。在商业化社会里,必须知道各种“门槛”,门槛不精就要上当,门槛精了就能搨到便宜。
【上台面】
上台面是一个人综合能力的体现。首先需要胆识,其次需要见识,再者需要深刻理解。上台面的人能从容与人交流, 在一些场面上谈笑风生,对大场面也应对自如。
【头子活】
上海人讲一个人头子活络,是讲他的头脑灵活,做事办法多的意思。听上海人讲话,你一定要头子活络,才能真正听懂他是在讲点啥,是在表扬你还是在阴损你。
【实打实】
上海人是重实际、负责任的。有不少上海话惯用语就是反映这种品质的,比如:“硬碰硬(实事求是,经得住考验)”、“实打实(踏踏实实)”、“明打明(光明正大的)”等。
【守规矩】
这是上海人最优秀的品质之一:重信用,守规矩。上海人十分恪守规则,尽管上下班高峰时交通也十分拥堵,但基本上大家都会老老实实地各走各的道。对于不守规矩的人,上海人就要帮伊“做规矩”了。
【勿领盆】
上海人是正直的,上海人最讲究是“做事做人要讲道理”。上海人如果发生争执,即便脸红耳赤也绝不会动手,因为他们是用争吵的方式以事实讲道理。对于不讲道理的人,上海人也绝“勿领盆”。

2019年1月29日星期二

Personalities Test

Code: ISFJ-T
Role: Sentinel
MIND
This trait determines how we interact with our environment.
42%
58%
Introverted individuals prefer solitary activities and get exhausted by social interaction. They tend to be quite sensitive to external stimulation (e.g. sound, sight or smell) in general. Read more
ENERGY
This trait shows where we direct our mental energy.
44%
56%
Observant individuals are highly practical, pragmatic and down-to-earth. They tend to have strong habits and focus on what is happening or has already happened. Read more
NATURE
This trait determines how we make decisions and cope with emotions.
24%
76%
Feeling individuals are sensitive and emotionally expressive. They are more empathic and less competitive than Thinking types, and focus on social harmony and cooperation. Read more
TACTICS
This trait reflects our approach to work, planning and decision-making.
71%
29%
Judging individuals are decisive, thorough and highly organized. They value clarity, predictability and closure, preferring structure and planning to spontaneity. Read more
IDENTITY
This trait underpins all others, showing how confident we are in our abilities and decisions.
32%
68%
Constant Improvers are sensitive and 

MIND: INTROVERTED VS. EXTRAVERTED

It is safe to say that Extraversion and Introversion are probably the oldest notions in the history of personality theories. It has long been observed that some people are expressive, outgoing and comfortable in interacting with their surroundings – while others are reserved, quiet and more comfortable alone. It is as if the former sincerely enjoy engaging with the external world and recharge by communicating with other people, and the latter prefer to rely on themselves and their own inner world instead of seeking stimulation from the outside. We focus on these differences in our first scale, which we call Mind – it determines how we see and approach the outside world, including people, objects and activities within it.
While Introversion and Extraversion are often used in lieu of social aptitude, this scale involves more than just being outgoing and social – although social skills form part of it. In a broader way, the Mind scale determines the degree of interaction with the outer world; how socially one behaves is just a part of that. In a sense, this scale is a contrast of the quantity and intensity of an experience and its quality or depth.

NATURE: THINKING VS. FEELING

The Nature scale determines how we make decisions and cope with emotions. While we all have feelings, there are significant differences in how we react to them and what role those feelings play in our lives. This then influences a number of other areas, mostly related to our interactions with other people.
People with the Thinking (T) trait seek logic and rational arguments, relying on their head rather than their heart. They do their best to safeguard their emotions, shielding them from the outside world and making sure that they are not clearly visible. “Whatever happens, you must always keep a cool head” – this is the motto of Thinking types. However, this does not mean that these types are cold-blooded and indifferent. People with the Thinking trait are often just as emotional as those with the Feeling trait – but they tend to subdue and override their feelings with their rational logic.
A good example here would be these groups’ attitudes toward charitable causes, which we analyzed in several of our studies. Thinking types are significantly less likely to give to charities or be touched by their emotional appeals – however, does this mean that they are unwilling to help? Not necessarily – it turns out that Thinking personalities simply do not believe that giving to charity is the best way to help. They may be just as willing to help other people, but they may look for a different way – such as investing in education for the disadvantaged, for instance.
In contrast, people with the Feeling (F) trait follow their hearts and emotions and care little about hiding them. From their perspective, we should not be afraid to listen to our innermost feelings and share them with the world – these individuals tend to be compassionate, sensitive and highly emotional. They would rather cooperate than compete, although it would be a big mistake to see Feeling types as naïve or easily swayed – quite the contrary, they are likely to fight tooth and nail for what they believe in. For many Feeling types, their principles and ideals are much more important than, say, professional success. Or, to put it another way, this is a different kind of logic, one rooted in assessments of the feelings of others – a decision that makes everyone happier is just as valid as a decision that gets the job done fastest.

ENERGY: INTUITIVE VS. OBSERVANT

The second scale in our model is called Energy and it connects Intuitive and Observant styles. In our opinion, this dichotomy is the most important – while the other four scales determine how you interact with the world (Mind), make decisions (Nature), schedule your activities (Tactics), or react to external feedback (Identity), the chasm between Intuitive and Observant individuals is far more significant as it actually determines how you see the world and what kind of information you focus on. It may seem like your decisions are the most important, but a decision is only as good as the understanding that backs it up.
With this in mind, all personality types can be divided into groups of those who favor the Intuitive (N) energy style (visionary, more interested in ideas, focusing on novelty) and those of the Observant (S) energy style (more interested in facts and observable things, focusing on the tried and tested).
Individuals with the Intuitive trait prefer to rely on their imagination, ideas and possibilities. They dream, fantasize and question why things happen the way they do, always feeling slightly detached from the actual, concrete world. One could even say that these individuals never actually feel as if they truly belong to this world. They may observe other people and events, but their mind remains directed both inwards and somewhere beyond – always questioning, wondering and making connections. When all is said and done, Intuitive types believe in novelty, in the open mind, and in never-ending improvement.
One of the best examples of such thinking that we can give is the results of a study of ours where we asked people whether they wish to have been born in the Age of Discovery. It quickly became clear that the Intuitive types would be much more willing to give up the convenience, comfort and predictability of the modern age in return for excitement brought by exploration, distant civilizations, and undiscovered mysteries of the New World. 
In contrast, individuals with the Observant trait focus on the actual world and things happening around them. They enjoy seeing, touching, feeling and experiencing – and leave theories and possibilities to others. They want to keep their feet on the ground and focus on the present, instead of wondering why or when something might happen. Consequently, people with this trait tend to be better at dealing with facts, tools and concrete objects as opposed to brainstorming about possibilities or future events, handling abstract theories, or exploring fantasy scenarios. Observant types are also significantly better at focusing on just one thing at a time instead of bursting with energy and juggling multiple activities.
These traits determine communication style as well – Intuitive individuals talk about ideas and have no difficulties with allusions or reading between the lines, while Observant types focus on clarity, facts and practical matters. This is why Intuitive types are likely to find it quite challenging to understand someone with the Observant trait, and vice versa. The former may even think that the latter is materialistic, unimaginative and simplistic, and the latter may see their Intuitive conversation partner as impractical, naïve and absent-minded. Both sets of assumptions can be quite damaging and it takes a mature person to get past them – but statements like these are fairly common.
Finally, it is important to point out that this scale has nothing to do with how we absorb information – Intuitive and Observant types use their five senses equally well – rather, it shows whether we prefer to focus most of our energy on looking for novel, intuitiveconnections or on observing and utilizing what we already see around us. If you are familiar with the Big Five personality traits, we built this scale on a reworked form of the Openness to experience concept, mostly focusing on preference for (and tolerance of) novelty and ambiguity.
Also, as discussed in our main theoretical article, there are other theories sharing these type acronyms, many of which are based on concepts defined by Carl Jung in the beginning of the 20th century. This scale is one of the most important differences between them and our model. Even though the Jungian concepts of sensation and intuition are likely to have some correlation with our Energy scale, these approaches are fundamentally different and may not be compared directly.

TACTICS: JUDGING VS. PROSPECTING

The Tactics scale determines how we approach planning and available options. However, this affects more than just our calendars – at its core, this scale determines our attitude toward certainty and structure in our lives, both at mental and physical levels.
People with the Judging (J) trait do not like to keep their options open – they would rather come up with five different contingency plans than just go ahead and deal with the challenges as they come. They prefer clarity and closure, always going with the plan rather than the flow. It is as if Judging types always keep a mental checklist, and when something is crossed off that list, it is done and not open to reassessment. This goes as much for groceries (“What will that go with?”) as it does for life goals, like buying a house.
Furthermore, Judging individuals tend to have a very strong work ethic, putting their duties and responsibilities above everything else. Our research also indicates that Judging types are much stricter when it comes to law and order. Of course, this does not mean that the other group are lawbreakers, but if you see someone walk for five minutes so that they could get to the other side of the street using a crosswalk, they are much more likely to be a Judging type.
In contrast, Prospecting (P) individuals are much more flexible and relaxed when it comes to dealing with both expected and unexpected challenges. They are always scanning for opportunities and options, willing to jump at them at a moment’s notice. People with this trait are perfectly aware that life is full of possibilities, and they are reluctant to commit to something that might well prove to be an inferior option in the future.
Prospecting personality types are also likely to focus more on what makes them happy as opposed to what their parents, employers, or teachers expect – if a specific task is not that important or interesting, a Prospecting individual will always be able to come up with something better to do.

IDENTITY: ASSERTIVE VS. TURBULENT

Our last scale, Identity, affects all others, showing how confident we are in our abilities and decisions. In a way, it acts as an internal sensor, reacting to the input we get from the environment – for instance, success or failure, feedback from other people, pressure caused by unexpected events and so on. Mind and Identity scales are the alpha and the omega of our model, acting like an external shell that we wear in all our interactions with the outside world – we discuss all four possible combinations of these traits in the “Strategies” section of our main theoretical article, but in this one, let’s take a look at what the Identity scale looks like.
Assertive (-A) individuals are self-assured, even-tempered and resistant to stress. They refuse to worry too much and do not push themselves too hard when it comes to achieving goals. Similarly, they are unlikely to spend much time thinking about their past actions or choices – according to Assertive types, what’s done is done and there is little point in analyzing it. Not surprisingly, people with this trait report more satisfaction with their lives and they also feel more confident in their abilities to handle challenging and unexpected situations.
In contrast, individuals with Turbulent (-T) identity are self-conscious and sensitive to stress. They experience a wide range of emotions and tend to be success-driven, perfectionistic and eager to improve. They are also more willing to change jobs if they feel stuck in their current one and to spend time thinking about the direction in which their life is going.
However, while the Assertive variant may seem more positive on the surface, that is not always the case – for instance, Turbulent individuals perform better in certain roles as they push themselves to achieve superior results, while Assertive ones do not care about the outcome that much. Always feeling the need to do more, to have more, and to be more, Turbulent types often forget how exhausting that can be to both themselves and the people around them – but it is entirely possible that this desire to always push themselves just a little further helps many Turbulent types to achieve what they seek to achieve.


contemplative individuals who enjoy having their own space and freedom. They are often deep and creative individuals, though often tense and more comfortable on their own than mixed up in the judgment of the real world. With the two personality traits most representative of a sensitivity to their environment – Introversion and Turbulence – they are reserved when dealing with strangers or new situations, often turning inwards or focusing on peacekeeping instead.
These personalities’ caution in the face of unfamiliar challenges can sometimes look like a lack of motivation, but this is usually just self-doubt – Constant Improvers have a strong drive, but it comes paired with a strong fear of failure. They invest a great deal of their identity in their successes, and even a minor misstep or embarrassment can be crushing.
The vigilance learned from a lifetime of ups and downs gives these personality types a knack for sensing trouble. This is a strategic wariness that can be quite useful in situations that need to balance risk and reward, whether a financial investment or a romantic opportunity. Though they can seem frustratingly over-cautious to others, Constant Improvers would rather not face calamity, so they excel at avoiding it with preventive insights.
Since they aren’t always comfortable with energetic exchanges with other people, Constant Improvers often direct their attention elsewhere, striving to master hobbies, careers, bodies of knowledge, or new means of self-expression. Their restless drive, self-doubt, and solitary mentality can combine to create impressive, beautiful results.
High-achieving and perfectionistic, Constant Improvers generally try to do their best in their endeavors, dedicating tremendous time and energy. These personalities can put so much pressure on themselves that they diminish their own impressive accomplishments by fixating on the slightest flaws or dismissing successes as luck rather than skill or dedication.
Taken too far, this perfectionism can also drive endless rumination – an unhealthy obsession with perfection will reveal flaws in the best plans, and Constant Improvers often feel forced to abandon a course of action because something doesn’t line up right. Whether working feverishly or picking at the threads of an idea though, Constant Improvers can be intense about their goals, and progress towards internal balance can lead them to amazing personal accomplishments.
Alongside their personal efforts, these personality types also care a great deal what others think of them. This can be very useful, but they can take this to a fault: fixating on others’ expectations can sour social efforts into awkwardness. Constant Improvers are easily thrown off-balance by conflict, and may communicate timidly, or not at all, for fear of hurting people’s feelings, provoking a confrontation, or looking the fool.
Sometimes it takes peer approval and active encouragement for this Strategy group to recognize their own virtues. These personalities often benefit from friends and colleagues patient enough to get to know them and who give them a chance to speak their minds. When treated considerately, these types become devoted partners and begin to reveal their kindness, insights, heartfelt support, and the complexities of their approach to the world, from sometimes (oddly specific) plans for obscure situations to starry-eyed ambitions.

因为经历本身就是答案 (转载)

首先通报一个好消息:今天早上,啪嗒已经退烧,恢复了不少活力。我叫她的时候,她也愿意回过头来轻声回应。到了中午时分,她不再是昏昏沉沉躺着,而是能起身在家里四处巡视。逗了她一会儿之后,也许是因为运动的缘故,她一周以来第一次主动进食:

谢谢在《病中猫》一文后800多位留言的读者朋友,谢谢各位给出的建议和鼓励,也感谢各位提供的医疗方案和购药渠道。同时,我还想感谢所有分享亲身经历猫传腹治疗过程的朋友,你们的讲述给与了我莫大的宽慰,让我不再觉得是身处黑暗的旷野,而是能看到远远近近的火炬。有些时候,单是看见就能让人感到温暖。

迄今为止,我还不清楚猫咪的这种转变是因为连续吊水终于起到了效果,还是因为昨晚注射的441遏制住了病毒复制,让猫咪的免疫系统逐步恢复正常?但这对于现在的我来说,已经属于幸福的烦恼。为了这一刻,杭州的王小蒙女士在出差途中,连夜让家人给我快递来她自己家剩余的药剂;上海的林七夕女士临时联系北京的病友家长,临时匀出2份药剂闪送给我应急。如果没有她们的热心和同理心,如果没有她们的惊人行动力,现在啪嗒的情况可能难于预料。

在经历了那么多悲喜交集之后,我看到一位网友的留言,他问我:

为什么要养猫呢,经历这些,不痛苦吗?

当然痛苦,人活在这个世间,只要建立起了任何羁绊,怎么可能不会痛苦呢?多少年来,我尽可能少地结下因果,任何时候都保持提起一个登山包就可以走的状态。因此我能在许多艰难时刻保持头脑冷静,心平气和,哪怕是对自己的遭遇都带着一种淡漠的情绪。带着猫咪四处求医的一个星期里,我尽量控制自己的内心不起任何波澜,反复告诫自己生老病死都是这个世间的常态,不应该对任何结果感到意外。我只需要全力去做救治这一件事就好,剩下的事情不是我所能决定的。但是,当我看到猫咪第一次试着恢复进食的时候,眼泪突然抑制不住地流下来。在那一刻,我才意识到我的内心中一直隐藏着何等样的苦痛。

如果可以重来一次,再次见到啪嗒,我想我可能还是会做出相同的决定。记得第一次我在猫舍看到她,她正躲在猫架上一层,探出半个身子用爪子猛槌下面的一只小公猫的脑袋。猛槌几下,她就飞快地缩回去。小公猫呆呆傻傻的,慢吞吞抬头四顾,却什么都没有发现,就只能郁闷地低下头去继续趴着。然后啪嗒就再次出手,一通猛槌,手速快到有残影......我一下子就喜欢上了她,我喜欢她的性格,觉得她和我有一样的恶作剧气质,是自己人。

因为是母猫的缘故,大多数人都不愿意选择她。我一周里前前后后去了三次,周围的猫一只只都被送走了,但是她始终留在那里。每次去的时候,她都会走出来,在我的脚边绕来绕去。见我不动,就靠在我的腿上蹭痒痒。但是也绝不谄媚,更不撒娇,绕三圈蹭两下,就自顾自走开,带着全部的骄傲和尊严。到了最后,我一咬牙把她带走了,心里说:与其被人不情不愿地带走,过上难以预料的生活,起码在我这里她能过得自由开心。只要我还能写字,她还能缺了猫罐头不成?又能差到哪里去?

今天回过头去想,啪嗒因为来了我家,因为我喜欢她,因为我希望她成为家庭里的一员,所以我愿意一次次送她去医院,我愿意上微博发帖求助,我愿意买实验性药物赌5%的机会。照顾她当然麻烦,看到她生病当然痛苦,可是,一想到她如果去了别处,过上另外一种生活,也许一早就被主人放弃,任她自生自灭......单是那种想法就让我倍加痛苦,那种对她的命运无能为力的感觉并不会比现在轻松多少。

我想啪嗒应该知道我的想法,虽然她大部分时间对我不冷不热,但是每天总有那么一段时间,她会自己跑到我身边,把脑袋靠在我的脚上,伸手抱着我的腿,迅速坠入梦乡。如果我在她的心目中和她的窝一样安全,那么当初我的选择就没有错。

选择养一只猫,就是选择了痛苦。除去生活中的种种不便,猫咪可能的怪脾气、发情期、撕咬物品、罹患疾病,从根本上说,相对于我们人类漫长的生命而言,猫的一生太过短暂。任何一个养猫的人,一生中总是会看到自己心爱的猫咪先行而去,这是不变的命运,也是注定的痛苦。在《指环王》里,精灵族的阿尔文公主拥有近乎于无限的生命,然而她的爱人阿拉贡只是一名凡人男子。在她无止境的生命之中,阿拉贡只能陪伴她极为短暂的数十年,和她的生命相比,那几乎只是一呼一吸之间的事情。她的爱情有意义么?她的爱情会带给她无尽的怀念和悲伤,她还值得去爱么?她的爱人会化作泥土,他们的故事会被世人遗忘,他们的名字会被时光的尘埃重重掩盖,那么,他们为什么要相爱?

因为在另一种人生道路上,没有这些经历。阿尔文公主的漫长人生只是活出了生命的长度,但她不曾体验凡俗之爱带来的酸甜苦辣,因此她并未真正体会生命本身。如果她不曾在人生中受过苦,那么就谈不上她曾经活过,因为在永恒的幸福中其实并无任何事情发生,一切不过是昨日的重复罢了。因为有了和阿拉贡的那些经历,才使得她的生命拥有了意义。这意义不在于拥有了无穷的时间,而在于其中的某一瞬间是如何度过的。

直到现在这一刻,我也不确信啪嗒是否能够痊愈,正如我依然不清楚是什么导致她生病,又是什么让她好转一样。我更无法确信这样的好转是昙花一现,还是会从此柳暗花明,雨过天晴。要说这是一种痛苦,那它的确是的。我不单为她感到痛苦,从她进家门第一天开始,我就为她烦恼,为她担忧,为她愤怒,为她焦虑......但是同样的,她也带给我欢乐,带给我宽慰,带给我平静,带给我放松。最重要的,是她靠在我的腿上睡去,让我感觉到的那一点点重量。有那一点点重量,和没有那一点点重量,人生对于我而言意义截然不同。

依然会有不确定,会有不可计数的不确定。我无法预见将来会有怎样的喜怒哀乐,我也无法预见啪嗒的猫生里会有怎样的跌宕起伏。所以,当我们要言说欢乐或者痛苦,大概就无法用一时的得失来计算衡量。你很难说养一只猫是好的还是坏的,总归是快乐的还是痛苦的,诚实的答案是“我不知道”。我并不想现在就谋求一个答案,或者把自己某一刻的感受作为答案,因为养一只猫并不是一个结果,而是和猫咪在一起的每一天每一刻。我想我应该这么说:世间并不存在某种抽象的猫,每一只猫都是具体的,就像是我的啪嗒一样。我有一只叫做啪嗒的猫,她有时候喜欢爆槌别的猫咪,有时候喜欢抱着我的脚,有时候喜欢神气活现站在乐高积木上,有时候则会生病住院,还弄不清楚什么原因。

从旁观者的角度看,养猫是一种麻烦,照顾猫是一种负担,猫生病了是一种痛苦,所以要问一句为什么要养猫呢。旁观者永远不能理解这件事,因为他们不知道在人生的诸多生灭得失之间没有那么多为什么,经历本身就是答案。

2019年1月24日星期四

美国公民的决定和实施

去年他春假从中国回来之后,就决定申请美国公民。夫唱妇随,就一起申请了。

六月收到让我们去打手印。

然后就是将近半年的等待。在12月的样子,等来了Interview letter。仔细看了一下我们的来信,我和他的interview居然还放在两个不同的时间。我是周三的几乎是最后一个,他是周四上午的第一个time slot。

他不可能开车一起去了,所以我得找我的backup plan。好在是在Newark,所以火车还能到达。火车站到最后的目的地谷歌地图显示是0.8英里。如果安全,很容易走到的。我做好两手准备,uber也准备好了。

因为需要汽车,火车的配合,各自有这自己的时刻表,所以最后的决定是11点出门,11:25左右来到New Brunswick Park & Ride,能赶上11:35的汽车,如果准点,11:45到火车站,那么可以做上11:56的火车,12:37到Newark。一路还算顺利,到了火车站,突然觉得饥肠辘辘,就买了一个bagel吃,没有想到bagel是热的,但是里面的cream cheese是冰冷的。我带着期望一口咬下去,差点没有吐出来。幸亏我还买了一个Almond Croissant。拿这吃的到等待区域坐着的时候,security guard对我横眉冷对地说,需要有车票才能坐在,我给她看了我的火车票。她还像模像样地在车票后面写了我进入等待区域的时间,因为有两个小时的限制。我的心思不在这里,所以几乎是放弃对她的注视。

很快就来到了那幢高楼。安检之后,来到了15层,等到进入房间的时候,发觉一屋子乌压压的人群,我当时就觉得很难呼吸。空调开得高。人又多,放眼望去,我的第一印象是难民营。

坐了几分钟,听着名字被使劲地叫,觉得自己有点不对劲,所以就去window 1去问。一个印度人在我后面,非要把他的信先递进去。因为这一秒钟的差别,就让我坐着等。

我问了一下旁边的人,她拿着白信封和一面小美国国旗,说拿到这两样的人都是已经结束了面试,等待宣誓仪式。她说她信上的时间是10:00,但是知道12:30才进去面试,等这1:30的宣誓仪式。结果是到了将近2:00才进行的。坐在我前面的一位南朝鲜的男士说他的时间是1:00,但是2:00进去立刻就出来了,所以我猜想等待时间已经被压缩到1小时了,那么我就等到2:45。等待的时候,跟他聊聊天。他说他每天2:30am起床。我问,是做什么工作需要这么早起床。他说,他是Eleven Madison Avenue餐馆里的Chef,主管甜点和面包。我给他看了我做的辫子面包,他还很客气地admire了半天,接下来就是给我看他做的甜点,那简直就是艺术品。想了想,还是没有问他要Instagram的账号,想想自己还是不要太nosy了。

2:45,我走去窗口问到底是怎么回事?工作人员看了我的绿卡,惊讶地问,“你还没有面试啊?”我说,“是啊。”

我可以看得出来她很生气,对着里面的面试官想发火来着。里面的面试官走出来,对我喊, “你担心了?你担心什么呢?”结果他什么都没有准备,所有的纸张工作都是我去了他的办公室以后才打印出来了,所以前前后后我带了半个小时,而真正问问题的时间前后不超过3分钟。他不停地抱怨系统出问题,前面一个面试的资料一直都没有清空,所以没有办法进行我的面试。问了一些有关安全的问题。并且跟我说,不能保证我能今天就能参加宣誓仪式。我说,来这里可是要请一天假啊。他耸耸肩说,“那跟我没有关系,我不控制这些。”

拿着宣誓仪式的notification,我直接跑去窗口问。接手的工作人员再次表达了他们的惊讶,问我,什么时候拿到的?我说,5分钟之前。她拿了我的通知,跟我说,不能保证我能参加当天的宣誓仪式。我说,我从很远的地方来。她说,this is not our concern。是呀,这跟他们半分钱的关系都没有。

她拿通知进去,我再外面等了十多分钟,她说,我们可以今天让你参加宣誓仪式。我说,太好了。

然后就是等他们叫我的名字,我觉得我的名字是当天最后被叫的。签字的时候,又说我的签名和原来的不一样,所以需要复印一张,结果复印机又坏了。那个混乱。

终于拿到了白信封和小旗帜,至少等待的时间不会太长了。最后终于到了宣誓仪式的时候,我们被赶到另外一个房间。

看录像,唱国歌,负责人来给我们发证书的时候,说我们这波人30几个,来自20多个国家。说叫你们国家的时候,站起来。第一个是巴西,结果我看到一个中国人站起来。叫到中国的时候,我注意到又3-4个的样子,印度人吗,几乎一半人是来自印度。还有巴基斯坦,两个包头巾的都是。还有阿富汗。很多中东的,南美的和非洲的。几乎没有西欧的,听到一个是英国的。我觉得这段时刻是让我感触最深的。并不感到激动,只是觉得有点超现实。没有什么感觉。

离开大楼,都没有来得及跟那个韩国人打招呼,就去赶4:45的火车,如果赶上这班火车,再赶上5分钟之后的汽车,那么我就能及时来到停车场,就能接上聪去上化学课。现实按照计划进行了。送完她,然后去了Shoprite,买了她需要的吃的。

“更聪明”的学习者(摘抄)


化实为虚。

由此及彼。

以简御繁。


1、“Know Why”类,说的是基本原理类的内容,包括“认知、原理、规律、原则”等;
2、“Know What”类,说的是一个具体概念或事情,包括“概念、数据、信息、案例、实证”等;
3、“Know How”类,说的是方法论或操作步骤,包括“方法、工具、流程”等;
4、主观思考类,主要包括“观点、道理、逻辑、建议”等;
5、语句修辞类,可包括“体验描写、个人感知、精彩金句”等。

所以,文章摘录的关键步骤有三个:


第一、对文章中表述的核心主题要提出自己的联想、思考、问题、矛盾点、困惑;
第二、对文章高价值内容做出摘录和重新归类;
第三、摘录和归类之后,总结回顾一下全文核心内容说了什么,把自己的思考和问题与作者的观点两相对应,看看是否解决了问题或者提升了认知。并把值得记住的知识点重读几遍加深印象。

幕布这个软件并不是唯一可选的“房子”,Workflowy、Dynalist等大纲类软件都值得推荐;Xmind、MindNode这一类的思维脑图软件也可以选择)。

张春:从接待的500名女性,看中国女性最隐秘的痛

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