她在2019年新年第一天与我的分享：

there are some moments you think you won’t be able to escape from. You think you’re trapped in them, like a net of sticky, suffocating spiderwebs that bind your legs and wrists and clog your throat with pain, regret, hysteria.

when the only thing you can feel is the weight of other people’s expectations, dreams, worries on your shoulders,

or your heart’s pulse tripping over itself trying to keep up with your sore muscles and screaming stomach,

or the cold that buries its needle-like fingers into your arms,

or the tension rising, clawing at your throat when you see a bowl of rice, a loaf of bread, a slice of pizza-

you only want to crawl inside the hollowness your carry in your collarbones, your cheekbones, your ribs, your heart when you look at your reflection and give up trying to climb out.

Sometimes, you can feel your heart breaking in two when your mistakes from the past refuse to be kept at bay any longer and all you can think is “how could i have been so stupid?”

and then you look at where it’s gotten you and you think “how can i go back?” and you hate everything about yourself and your surroundings in that moment and wish you didn’t exist and never did.

you really do.

There are days when you walk into school and see the same faces, hear the same conversations, the same jokes, the same laughter, and feel yourself being drowned in the monotony, the meaninglessness of the empty words swapped like playing cards, the memories made and dissipated with seconds,

and you feel like you’re on an endless carousel with the same bright, blinding lights, the same garish colors, the same obnoxious music.

But there are other days when you and your parents are sitting around the same dining table you’ve always sat around, with a pile of sunflower seeds and another pile of sunflower seed shells building in the center of the table, two great pyramids, your own wonders of the world,

and it feels like you could crack jokes and seeds forever.

There are better days, days when you spend an hour and a half in a restaurant with your mom, scrolling through a meme page and laughing hysterically while munching through your second order of sweet potato fries, somehow. Forgetting who you were a few months ago, the you that had run from the smell of fries.

There are text conversations with friends that you haven’t gotten into contact with in a while, that remind you that there are people who care, sometimes more than yourself, about you,

there are pages and pages in your sketchbook, filled by euphoric rushes of creativity,

there are random excursions to restaurants and grocery stores, punctuated with bewilderment and excitement for the most mundane things,

there are surges of understanding as you fill in half a puzzle within ten minutes,

there are hard-earned but unexpected words of praise from teachers,

there are hugs from friends at the right moments that hold you together just as you feel you are falling apart, that say more than any words could,

there are perfect songs that you hold solo dance parties to in your room or in the halls where you can feel the lyrics pumping through your veins,

there are unasked-for cuddles from your dog after long, rainy, exhausting days,

there are friends accomplishing and achieving who you can’t help but feel proud and happy and grateful for,

there are clear skies above an open desert and the beautiful music of sleep blanketing everything,

there are good days.

thank you for so many.

我的回答就显得平淡很多： I appreciate that you share this with me, which means a lot to me. 

I won't allow the cold / hollowness to be close to you.  I will throw them far AND away.  

More wonderful moments are waiting for us to explore. and I am ready.