2020年3月23日星期一

在家工作第一周 (3/16/2020那一周)

周一(3/16/2020)
周日晚上他突然通知我说,第二天他也会在家工作。该来的还是来了。JPM几乎是最早宣布让员工在家工作的。所以客户不去办公室,怎么还能这么准时去呢?

聪第一天网课,所以不明情况,也非常遵守时间7点起床,7:24准时在电脑前了。我能比平日多睡将近50分钟,起来带狗狗还是走平常走的路线,回到家,准备早饭,就开始工作了。

上午十点多的时候看到新闻说纽约,新泽西和康州宵禁的消息。晚上8点到凌晨5点不得出门。所有要做到的一切都是为了要把这个曲线往下压。

只要冰箱里有粮食,心中还是多了一点从容。上海的姚瑾雯一定要给我寄口罩,我说不用了。我也对张说不用了。这种患难期间欠下的情,真实有点说不清。前一天上午有点发烧,99.8的样子,睡了一下午。

中午12:30Jess突然着急开会,说很多公司要关实体店,所以很多红利可能会有问题,所以特别紧张的样子。

聪下午去画室了,想着也好,需要一个窗口。上班结束后,我看了一会书,将近5点的时候出门,带狗狗走了一圈,然后直接去接她回家。
晚饭后个干个的。她要锻炼身体,好几天没有锻炼了,说感觉很恶心。于是在锻炼身体之前几乎什么事情也干不了。


我把The Outsider几乎要看完了。总感觉胸口一口痰,低烧。

看到公司华人微信群里说到一个同事的孩子居然上了ICU,还不给查是不是这个病毒,就是因为没有测验盒。

又是一个熔断,把周五挣回来的全部抹去。但是似乎可以测验的地点已经有所确定了。

收到图书馆的电子邮件,说图书馆会关门,但是所有的书都会自动延长4个星期。我写了一份电子邮件去询问借阅的时间的更新是否会在账号里反映出来。很快收到答复说,是的。

感觉接下来的生活真的是会有很大的变化。思想上并没有完全地准备好。因为没有经验。所谓的New Normal。比尔说,这样的安排真的是很奇怪。平时他在家工作的时候,我和聪是不在的。我和聪在的时候,他也在家的时候,就是周末。而现在三个人都在家,都要忙自己的一摊事情,真的很奇怪。


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周二(3/17/2020)

早晨起来下雨,带着伞,带Rixi走了一圈,回来鞋子袜子都湿透了。赶紧换下来。

总还是觉得心里没着没落的。上班除了把一定得干的活干了之后,就开始晃悠。一个大显示器其实还是感觉有点不是那么适应。但是有了standing desk,已经感觉好很多了。

聪也是,说要是这样的状态持续下去,不知道自己到底能坚持多久。看着她中午的时候情绪不太好。吃炒饭的时候叉子在饭碗里翻来翻去。我就只能睁一只眼闭一只眼了。

下午她还是去画画,但是说5点就可以去接她了。下班之前,Jess问我,对那1000块美元怎么消费。我都楞了一下,结果也是空欢喜一场。因为我和比尔收入不符合要求。

我下了班就带狗狗出门走一圈,

结果看到平日里供小孩子玩耍的场所被封了起来。心中不禁黯然。接她回来后,她去汽车,我去地下室进行力量练习。没有想到Plank还是可以做到2分半。半个小时下来也是大汗淋漓。赶紧去洗澡。

他的吊环一部分零件来了,晚饭前就在那里折腾打洞。吃完饭的时候,我就想象比尔在吊环上的样子,聪聪拿着铁片进行力量练习的样子,而我,就陪伴着狗狗出门的样子。

新闻一日比一日糟糕。看得我都有点麻木了。感觉应该好好整理一下自己的思路。这两天听东西都不专心。其实那本将美国资本主义的书真心是不错的。


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周三(3/18/2020)

早晨起来,遛狗的时候高中同寝室的向我问候,正好看到朝阳:

正听着The Daily里NYT的记者在采访纽约州州长。他在这场疫情战役中是真正的总指挥官。为纽约有这么一位好领导而感到欣慰。

所有的podcast都在讲新冠状病毒。
早上工作学习的时候总是要抽空玩弄一下狗狗。她就是喜欢晒太阳。这几天全家都在家,不知道对她来说是不是也是一个New Normal。

收到公司领导的电子邮件,说是在家工作至少到4/20,那是一个月之后,


中午吃饭的之前,跟聪带狗狗出门转了一圈,给她扔了球。把球踹在兜里的时候,没有让她看到,可是她就是知道。真实神奇。

带聪去看了那棵早樱:



回来简单地给聪炒饭,蒸鸡蛋。坐下来吃饭的时候,就说起了在这个downtime其实还是可以做很多事情,如果好好计划和利用。她立刻就拿了卡片,拿笔记下来。真实不错。后来她提到她的乐团指挥给学生推荐的电影和书籍,我问,我是不是能看看。她给我发来截屏。



Very happy that May's Orchestra teacher gave them recommendations for books and movies based on themes. The followings are his recommendations:
Movies:
28 Days Later
Train to Busan
12 Monkeys 周三晚上我们全家就一起观看了。大家都很喜欢。情节非常紧凑。准备每天晚上看一部片子。

Books:
The Dark Tower
The Passage

Honarable Mention: On the Beach, both the movie and novel version by Nevil Schute

最后看到的新闻是海军开着船到纽约,船上医院有了1000个床铺,还有实验室和手术室若干。就像纽约州州长说的那样,这场战役才刚刚打响,敌人才出现在地平线上。他说的是45天之后到顶峰。

要闻总结:

白宫新冠发布会要点:
1)启动国防生产法。
2)启动FEMA一级国家紧急响应,部署在各个地区。
3)两艘医院船Mercy and Comfort将开往纽约,西部地区如需要也会部署。
4)感谢NIH,FDA和私营部门的合作和自愿测试者,历史上最快设计的疫苗昨天开始测试了。
5)今天总统会和FDA 开会,要求FDA 删除所有繁文缛节,加快药物入世。
6)今天总统会和护士代表开会,感谢他们的“牺牲”。
7)为了解决测试部署和测试人员短缺的问题,会启动自己用棉签取样的方法,细节会公布。
8)感谢为国家牺牲美好生活的年轻人。让我们一起牺牲,一起经历,尽快击败看不见的敌人。



周四 (3/19/2020)
早晨下雨,来了例假,懒得起床,昨天晚上看电影后比较晚睡觉,就纵容自己多睡了一会。撑着伞出门,走了一小圈就回来了。居然嗓子疼,而且咳嗽有痰。

跟姚谨雯微信了两句,她说,新泽西的数据不是那么可怕。我就给了一张早晨的数据。新泽西紧紧地跟在重灾区后面。到了晚上,美国的病例已经冲到13794,而死亡人数已经到了203。今天收到的两条短信,一个是说新泽西的确诊人数已经冲到700多人以上,还有一条就是说一家7口全部确诊,已经四人死亡。

而今天对中国来说,是一个里程碑,因为没有一例新确诊的。

好在上班很忙,没有时间来关心这些数据,反而心中平复一些。海芸问一家三口在家还好吗?我说现在还相安无事,以后如果有冲突矛盾,以后再说吧。

一上班就被狂轰乱炸的,好在和Brandon的合作总是一炮打响的,所以还是比较有成就感的。
但是和Wendy的就不是那么和谐了。她总是一个劲地问我们要数据,要完数据了就没有声音了。所以被搞得很晕。

一直忙到12点才有空出门有一圈。

一天狂灌水,终于在下午的时候,似乎咳嗽的频率不是那么高了,嗓子的疼痛也有所消减。


看到我公司给我寄来的键盘到了,第一时间换上,一下子觉得效率提高很多。毕竟黄键和绿键还有SPREADSHEET里要用的$要有效多了。

下午最后半小时居然还开会。麦克风不好使,幸亏比尔帮忙解决了。

吃过晚饭,问她要来她乐团指挥推荐的书,今天的主题是恐怖

Favorite Horror Novels
It by Stephen King
Girl Next Door by Jack ketchum
House of Leaves by Mark Danielewski
Carrion Comfort by Dan Simmons
Feed by Mira Grant

Favorite Horror Movies
A Nightmare on Elm Street
John Carpenter's The Thing
The Silence of the Lambs
Aliens
Event Horizon

晚上感觉一天站下来腰酸腿疼的。原来以为在家工作会有比平日里多的时间,结果恰恰相反,而且,就算是在walk rixi的时候也不能很专心地听书。


周五(3/20/2020)春分
一早醒来,发觉才5点多,却是睡不着了。吞咽了一下口水,嗓子不疼了。紧着的心放松了一下。再起来量体温,终于破了99。所以带着Rixi出门了。回来的时候下小雨。所以赶紧把湿裤子换了。这个时刻,不太方便生病了。


上午还是忙。问了组里两个同事,是不是同意我不想学习BDVD的愿望。我跟JESS表达了时间的紧迫。她就是我们远在天边,也还要遥控的。而且还正好是午饭时刻。真是够烦的。

午饭的时候,比尔说,他JPM里有一位同事被确诊,虽然不跟这位病人有直接的接触,但是他的同事和这位病人在同一层楼工作,而他又和他的同事一起吃过饭。讲出来的时候,还是让我担心了一下。

中午跟聪出门走了一圈。

下午就疯狂地砍红利,一路砍到4点钟,迫不及待地带狗狗出门,外面温度70多度,走了5分钟,就把外面的sweatshirt脱了,三英里之后,回到家,还是做了一组力量练习。例假第二天,还是不便多动。




洗过澡,做晚饭,都快要都不知道该做什么菜了。天气温暖,做了冷盘的越南春卷。他说,“我还以为这件事情也就一周的事情。”可见他对局势的了解真是没有什么很深刻的理解。太天真了。我很喜欢在一天之后坐在那里表达一下内心的感激。比起那些需要冒着风险去上班的人或者因为关门就没有工作的人来说,我这样能够在家工作真是非常幸运了。我们就是应该细数恩典。

疫情:
纽约州的确认病例,700到8000也就是五天的时间。今天晚上已经宣布封城了。

晚上我在看Little Fire Everywhere,还跑到彭博去看新闻。结果远程进去的时候,CODE是这样的







聪跑过来跟我说她学到的犹太教。后来就是这样了


















周六(3/21/2020)
早晨起来他去遛狗的,所以我慢慢来来。准备好了她的早饭,我就出门了。想好了今天吃的。出门的时候没有太阳,还是蛮冷的,跟昨天真实天壤之别。
想拍照,但是早樱很浅的粉红色,而天空是白色的,所以没有错落的颜色和光线,有点沮丧。我停下来的时候,她也耐心地停下来等我。让我有点惭愧,她要来回尽享她的闻闻活动的时候,我不是每次都是非常耐心地让她闻的。我得知错就改啊。




到家里,仔细阅读LitHub来的邮件。每一篇都是重磅。开始留下疫情里各种媒体推荐的精神食粮。

看了《釜山行》,把我和聪吓得,午饭前后都心惊胆战。看完后,决定出门去见见太阳,才能散去心中的恐惧。

下午新泽西州长宣布了隔离的命令。聪还是想去画画。我也想让她去,因为感觉画画是让她能全神贯注的一项活动。能够找到这么一项活动,不容易的。
今天新泽西破千,美国破25k。最可跑的是新泽西一测一个准。

她出门去骑车。

包完包子。拖着Rixi去CVS侦查了一下,看了看营业时间。




吃饭的时候,他说的话不走心,让我不是很开心。我说下周你去买菜吧。他就反驳问,为什么要去中国店。总是不能非常让我感到是两个人在一起撑起这个家。少说为妙了。

开始看"Good Girl",喜欢女主角。

大家都在适应,用不同的方式。




周日(3/22/2020)
早晨起来带Rixi去了Montgomery Park。昨天下午新泽西州长宣布了lock down,虽然还是可以出门锻炼,但是所有的无关紧要的商业都需要关门。
因为没有人,所以让她撒欢,结果人家不领情,一定要看到球。

去公园的路上,跟Ken聊了两句,拍了Rixi的照片给他看。


谁知道下去就风云转,先是他在吃午饭之前出门,我违反规定送了聪去画画。回家的时候带着Rixi又去了Mountain View Park。回家后跟她扔球,想着第二天要下一天的雨,也出不了门。












结果回家的时候碰到他在吃饭。见到我就劈头盖脑地问,聪聪去画画了?我说是的。显然这激怒了他。说我没有脑子,而且还对Kevin学校继续开门表示了反对。

然后又说要去Costco。我说现在去不值当,因为冰箱里还放不下多少东西。他又听话听音,说我可以不顾风险地送聪去上画画课,不怕感染病毒,而他去Costco就担心了。又是一场唇枪舌剑。真实没有意思。说给别人听,别人都觉得他是有病。如果要是家里还有人必须去上班呢?在疫情面前,人性曝光无疑。几天前,还在说,要得病得趁早。碰到这种时刻,不知道他是真的小题大做呢,还是他真的感到威胁。无论是哪种,都是有毛病。还在微信里写了,所要作为记录。跟Ken说了之后,他说,Where did you find this guy?

去接聪回来,看了她的新的一幅画,她特别有成就感,不想扫她的兴,陪着她高兴。

因为别扭,所以晚饭分开吃了。让他先吃的,我们再吃。

第一周就这样收尾了。

2020年3月14日星期六

每周令我高兴的五件事(3/9/2020)


  • 一周跑了三次步,周一气温直达70度,跑完还有点晒伤的感觉。周四在家工作,中午抽了空,带着狗狗跑了5.5英里,汗流浃背,感觉很舒适。感觉还是要让狗狗接完球再拉出去运动比较安全,否则太折腾我了。


  • 周五午休时刻翘班去买菜,见识到了美国人也开始恐慌了。




  • 参加了她的NHSA的一个小仪式,可能人不多,所以还没有被取消。

  • 看到了春天,只是被病毒肆虐的春日。
  • 周一晚上跟聪又吵架,周二一早送她去上学的时候居然看到了非常美丽的日出,也算是安慰了彼此。
这一周其实是美国新冠病毒大爆发的前奏。本来公司还想测设两次,看看大家在家工作的情况,结果狼狈得都来不及测试就在周四晚上直接宣布全体人员需要在家工作。接下来就是周五的大采购。原来以为他也是会在家工作的,否则也不至于去买那么多的肉。着急拿的时候,居然拿了grounded lamb。没有想到今天做pattie吃味道真得还很不错呢。感觉要鲜嫩很多。看来新泽西是要大爆发了。他还是坚持要在外面住着。成人了,我也劝不动。他还说如果真的要得,那还是早点得了比较好,趁现在医院里人流量还不是那么大。这样的思维,我也是服了。

2020年3月7日星期六

每周令我高兴的五件事(3/2/2020)

          Fear City: New York's Fiscal Crisis and the Rise of Austerity Politic
          National Enquirer
          还有一本没有记下作者是睡,结果发觉这个书名有很多本:"Russian Roulette"
  • 看了那个著名的狗狗训练师写的大总结
    Everybody has the ability to independently research, think critically, and solve complex problems. Don’t ever let anyone dissuade you, intimidate you, or shame you from gaining more knowledge. We live in a time where we have the most powerful research tool in the history of mankind at our fingertips, literally. Use it.In some cases, because of the subject matter, you need to create a support system of some kind, either an agreement with yourself, or with others that can hold space for you. So, before you start your due diligence, prepare your heart, prepare your mind, prepare your soul, find that place in yourself where you stand with persistence and resilience, and have support.
    Time, sometimes you need to let questions or answers simmer, open up, and reveal more information. Let this be okay. You might need to wait on a phone call for days or weeks, or schedule an in-person appointment that isn’t until the following month. Sometimes it is okay to step away from gathering information, give yourself a break, take a deep breath, and start anew.
    Learning without judgement takes practice. Sometimes the truth does not fit the narrative, and you have to be able to ask questions, be open minded, and listen. And to be honest, sometimes the truth turns out to be the least popular answer, and easily dismissed, or whitewashed, so you need to know how you will handle that kind of pressure.
    Beliefs are more like blind faith, and should stay with your god, not your research. If you are one that borders on cognitive dissonance with some topics, you need to work to let that go, have an open mind so you can learn objectively. Please do not have a belief or blind faith in a person, a professional, a business, a thing, a document, an article, et cetera. Always be on the path to asking questions, listening to answers, and asking more questions. Finding answers is puzzle solving, some pieces fit and some don’t.
    RHUMB
    My due diligence started the minute after Rhumb was dead. What the hell just happened and why? Optimally healthy dogs in their prime don’t just die, in my world anyway.
    I stand in a place with over 18 years of professional knowledge and skill in the canine world, and 35 years of working with dogs, I am accomplished in my field, and my knowledge and experience is deep and board. And I am not done learning, everyday I add to this knowledge.
    Yet here I stood in unfamiliar territory, out of any context that could possibly make sense, along with pretty much everyone around me in the veterinary clinic, what the hell just happened? Emotions were raw, tangible, and heightened to say the least.
    Rabies, she has rabies, and a whole bunch of other dramatic bullshit that followed.
    Six hours worth of tears dried up immediately to what was now being directed at me. The words coming at me were both stunning and sobering. While I knew what was being said was false, groundless, and unfounded accusations, they turned out to be damaging in my trust going forward.
    I made a list of what I needed to learn more about, and started reading, researching, and calling. It was all super confusing in the beginning as all of the diagnosis under lower motor neuron events were huge and out of the ordinary.
    STARTING THE RESEARCH – I read into the wee hours of the morning for over eight weeks, if she died from one of these, how did she contract it, and what if anything did we miss. I read everything I could find on –
    ·         Coonhound paralysis
    ·         Guillan Barre Syndrome
    ·         Border Collie Genetics
    ·         Encephalitis
    ·         Rabies
    ·         Botulism
    ·         Ticks
    ·         Myasthenia Gravis
    ·         Lower Motor Neuron Events
    ·         Neurotoxins – natural and man-made
    ·         Toxoplasmosis
    I printed out information, purchased studies, read everything in the Merck Manual and NCBI on lower motor neuron events. There were no words that were going to bring me relief or make me feel better about what happened, it was all bad news, all of it. Sitting down at my computer and reading for hours upon hours took me to a very dark place each time. While I was learning a great deal, I was also not sleeping very well. While all of them fit, none of them fit. While all of them have similar symptoms, they were all slightly different as well. There was a piece of the puzzle I was missing.
    LOOKING FOR EVIDENCE – Because we didn’t know what she died from we started searching everything starting the day she died. We had four dogs, 2 goats, 20 ducks, and 36 quail still living and healthy, if something that was a lethal neurotoxin was on our property we needed to look for it, so we searched for –
    ·         raccoon tracks
    ·         cat tracks
    ·         people tracks
    ·         dead animals
    ·         carrion
    ·         ripped apart our freezers
    ·         went through all of our food and our dogs food that I had made
    ·         went through our pantry
    ·         searched the garage
    ·         searched the loafing shed
    ·         went through our cars
    ·         tore apart the house
    ·         went through laundry
    ·         went through our guests luggage
    ·         called everyone that had stayed with us over the past month to ask about legal and illegal pharmaceuticals that may have had with them
    ·         walked our property in grid patterns every night looking for clues
    ·         looked for anything odd or new
    … and nothing was showing or coming up – day after day and night after night.
    CALLING AND E-MAILING – I called and e-mailed my veterinary clinic with questions. I needed to understand what I was reading and needed some clarifications. They were kind in calling and e-mailing me back to a point, and then it stopped. I understand fully that I am merely one of their clients, and the due diligence falls to me, because Rhumb was my dog and my life was attached to hers.
    So I went through the studies and documents I had and started calling and e-mailing other professionals when I had questions.
    ·         AG Extensions
    ·         Livestock Extensions
    ·         State Veterinarian
    ·         AVMA
    ·         LMN Specialists (MD)
    ·         Infectious Disease Specialist (MD)
    ·         Veterinary Genetic Specialist
    ·         Veterinarians
    ·         Pathologists
    ·         Ranches I work with
    ·         Farms I work with
    ·         My Breeder
    ·         Holistic Veterinarian
    ·         Naturopath Veterinarian
    ·         Medical Doctors
    ·         Health Magazine Editors
    ·         Nutritionists
    ·         Veterinary Teaching Hospitals
    ·         Processors / Slaughter houses
    ·         and finally … Toxicologist
    Everybody, and I mean everybody that answered their phone or responded via e-mail was kind and generous with information. Everyone took the time to share their knowledge with me whether they had an answer or felt that referring me to someone else would be more helpful.
    And I will be honest that on some days I felt guided, and there would be a power of synchronicity that could not be explained.
    As I started to post Rhumb’s story I did have people in the medical world, human and animal, contact me with information that was helpful in my research. I have a large base of practicing and retired doctors who were incredibly, supportive, and helpful. A couple had me to their home for holiday cake and coffee to talk this over. More tears than holiday joy to be sure, but I felt safe and I felt supported, and I suppose that was really what I needed at that time.
    The toxicologist from Michigan State University, who was the final one on my list to call, was the person that did the tox-screen for Rhumb’s necropsy.
    He is the Chief Toxicologist and answered his own damn phone. We entered into a conversation that lead to a very detailed conversation that lead to him offering to retest her samples with a more sensitive method. He then said can I ask you some questions? After eight weeks of me asking questions, finally someone wanted to know something about Rhumb. Yes, yes ask me …
    We talked for nearly 2 hours on the phone, his questions were so detailed so intimate to our life, life style, all of our animals, and who Rhumb was in her life, activities, and health. It was the first night I slept through the night in eight weeks. And everyday I woke up to an e-mail from him can I ask you some more questions? …
    The pathologist believed she died of botulism because of the raw food that I fed her, and recommended further testing at our expense. The toxicologist after reviewing all of our information said, that isn’t how this works, if that were the case you would have five dead dogs.
    Sometimes, it is being heard objectively that counts the most.
    The toxicologist informed me that he used/ and is using Rhumb’s story as a CASE STUDY for his advanced class and staff.
    WHAT WE KNOW
    ·         It was not an organophosphate poisoning
    ·         It was not ivermectin poisoning
    ·         It was not a non-anticoagulant rat poison
    ·         It was not genetics
    ·         It was not rabies, myasthenia gravis, toxoplasmosis, or coonhound paralysis
    ·         It was not from being fed a raw diet
    ·         Guillan Barre was never investigated – the pathologist considered it a red herring
    ·         Rhumb was in the luteal phase of her heat cycle, which is progesterone dominant and immune suppressed
    ·         It could be wound botulism – she had a small surface scrape on her nose a month before, but it wasn’t out of the ordinary in our world
    ·         It could be anatoxin-a cyanobacteria – the toxicologist mentioned that her time frame and symptoms had an uncanny perfect match with the VFDF – very fast death factor
    ·         It could be a black widow spider bite – we have them in our loafing shed, and garage – same symptoms and the venom is not detectable in a tox-screen, this was never investigated during the necropsy
    ·         It could be malicious poisoning – there are some pharmaceuticals that act as a neurotoxin and do not show on tox-screens unless you know specifically what you are looking for – mdma being one of many
    I have no conclusion for Rhumb’s story. I still cry most days, some days it is all day and others it is just moments. I was not ready for her to be a memory.
    I have no bad feelings towards anyone, I want that to be clear, but I have lost a level of trust, it is shaky at best, not so much the medical side of things, but the leveling amount of bias that exists.
    Through all of my research and information gathering I have met some really incredible people that have inspired me in unexpected ways. This is the good that has come out of all of this.
    My husband and I talk almost every evening about Rhumb, sometimes it is memories, and sometimes it is more spiritual, and sometimes it is the gifts she has given Massimo and Mama Beetz.
    If there is anything I can give, it is my words, my information, and my encouragement to stand tall, show up everyday for yourself and your animals, and be a kind, informed, and objective person.
    Nancy
这周狗狗:


 周六早晨带她出门跑步,到家后,她就这么看着我,以为我会给她扔球。
 周三给她扔球。
  • 周六早晨起来,虽然前一天晚上睡得非常不好,但是保持了冷静,没有让情绪控制自己焦躁,虽然腿还是很痛,但是自己感觉应该是还是肿胀引起的,而且看上去跟晚上洗脚有关,似乎让腿上的血管处于一种非常亢奋的状态,所以,以后决定还是淋浴。
  • 开始进行力量训练,虽然就一点点,第一天没有感觉有什么,周五躺在垫子上举手臂的时候,那可真是感受到了重量了。
虽然不是令人高兴的事情,但是我还是要心存感激,在这个新冠病毒流行的当下,看感染的人数就跟看股票一样。要时刻提醒自己不能五分钟看一看。到我现在写这篇为止,新泽西有四例确诊,三例在Bergen Country,一例在Camden。只要我一说这个,聪就翻白眼,他周中不在家,所以我是孤独的,在这个话题上。Meghna真是撒谎成性,随口道来,说Morristown有两例,其实根本都没有,不直到她的这个功夫是不是已经到小脑里去了。

2020年3月1日星期日

每周令我高兴的五件事(2/24/2020)


  • 听了一个非常好的podcast by John Green。短小精悍,但是意义深远。最喜欢的一个episode: Teris and seed potatoes of Leningard。后来到网上找到transcript,里面这一段是这么写的:
    “This pain is generally a kind of minor background anguish that only occasionally gets bad enough to take over my life, but it’s also never not there. It is hard for me to describe the pain without resorting to figurative language, but I think it is the pain of meaninglessness, the fear that my vast interior life will die with me and that my brief miraculous flicker of consciousness will not have been for anything. For me at least, there is a terrifying depravity to meaninglessness, because it calls into question not only why I write and read and garden and eat and love and everything else, but also whether I should even bother, which is a line of thinking I genuinely cannot afford to indulge. Of course, such pain must be confronted and dealt with, carefully considered and battled against. There are times for deep engagement with the overwhelming questions. But there are also times for pure and magnificently empty distraction."

    Enter Tetris, which is incredibly effective at distracting me from that way-down pain. And I think effective distractions are a gift to the world, because when that background pain overwhelms me, I can't do the work of finding and building meaning in my life. Of course, distractions can become too powerful. They can begin to substitute for meaning. But I still wouldn’t want to attempt consciousness without them. Like, I hear good things about meditating until you achieve enlightenment, but in my particular case, there’s no way I’d survive it. Tetris is as close as I’m every going to get to Nirvana. I give Tetris four and a half stars.”
还有一段讲到生病: 
“I know they were trying to tell me a story that made sense, but it doesn’t work if the story isn’t true. And when we tell those stories to people in chronic pain, or those living with incurable illness, so often we end up minimizing their experience. We end up expressing our doubt in the face of their certainty, which only compounds the extent to which pain separates the person experiencing it from the wider social order. The challenge and responsibility of personhood, it seems to me, is to recognize personhood in others—to listen to others’ pain and take it seriously, even when you yourself cannot feel it. And that, I think, really does separate human life from the quasi-life of an enterovirus. I give viral meningitis one star.”当然找到了他的网址:Nerdfighteria
  • 看完了第一季Little America,在豆瓣上写了小总结相同的爱
  • 周一天气好,又不用接送聪,就带Rixi跑到后面去。知道她想跑,没有带球,就带她去了后面,草坪的状况要好一点,没有那么多的泥。
    用广角拍了落日。

  • "Nudge"的作者是Bloomberg Opinion的contributor。他终于因为冠状病毒发了一篇小文,里面提到了一个概念"probability neglect": Suppose that a potential outcome grips your emotions, maybe because it is absolutely terrifying, maybe because it is amazingly wonderful. If so, there is an excellent chance that you will focus on it -- and pay far less attention than you should to a crucial question, which is how likely it is occur. Small risks are typically either neglected entirely or hugely overrated。作者提出了两点解决方案:The first is that unless the disease is contained in the near future, it will induce much more fear, and much more in the way of economic and social dislocation, than is warranted by the actual risk. The 2nd impilcation is that the best response to excessive fear is to put the issue of probability on epople's view screens, and to do so directly and explicitly.
  • 这个周末聪有活动,都是全天的活动。两天送完她去学校,就带着狗狗去Skillman Park去跑步,周六跑了十公里,周日跑了5英里。虽然风很大,周六跑得很狼狈,但是周日调整了跑步得方向,就稍微好了一点。聪在饭桌上的态度非常不尊敬家长,我觉得是时候应该好好考虑一下我和她之间的关系和界限了。作为母亲,有本能存在。

2026年七月精神瑜伽

日記本在6/30在7/1之間特地有一頁空餘,似乎提醒書寫著回顧一下上半年,暢想一下下半年。 本月一開頭就是連續幾天的高溫,那幾天不能外出,在家就使勁地在厨房做麵食,變相地讓自己進行一下體力勞動。第一周的周末大家冒着酷暑出門去看airshow,烟火,縂想在全國都熱烈慶祝美國250周...