Wolf Boy by May (2012-01-11 08:02:29)

 Luke Wolf fidgeted with his rubber bands.  It was 11:35 pm.  Wild Forest seriously creeped hime out.  Shadows loomed everywhere, reminding Luke of phantoms.  His electric blue eyes fell on a red light.  He shuddered.  But it really just was a rat.  He glanced at his watch: 11:40.  Luke brushed a blonde strand of hair out of his eyes.  Then he caught sight of a silvery light.  What is that?  He wondered.  A siler coat of fur.  Two gleaming black eyes.  A bushy tail.  To pointy ears.  The thing was a wolf.

    "Hello, Luke," the wolf cackled.  "I am the Wolf Kng."  The voice of the wolf was like a knive scraping against stone and crossed with a snake's hiss. 

    "I- " Luke started to say, but his voice caught.

    "Come." rasped the king.  Luke hesitated.  Should he?

    "Okay", he croaked.  The wolf led him through a place Luke had never set foot on before.  At last, the path widened into a clearing.  Opposite of where they were standing was a cave.  This one was huge. "Wow, " was all Luke could say.  The king growled.  Wolves of all sizes came forward. The raised their heads and howled.  Luke blinked.

    "You should live with us, Luke.  We could make you our Emporer.  All you have to do is to forget." murmured the wolf King.  Luke had always loved wolves.  But what was he supposed to forget?  He couldn't forget.  He had too many things to remember:  His coming math test, his birthday, his playdate and a while lot more.  To think of giving all that stuff away....Well, he could live without the math test, but still...

    "No, he told the Wolf king."  Are you sure?"  Wolf king asked.  Luke nodded, "Positive."

    "You will regret that, " Wolf king snarled.

    "I won't," insisted Luke.  The Wolf king growled.  Luke shuffled back.  Then the chase began.  Luke sprinted over leaves, darted in and out of shadows, and leaped over rocks.  The Wolf King was still bounding after Luke, and gaining.  Luke ducked under branches and ran through thickets.  One way or another, he somehow made it home, the Wolf King howling in rage and defeat behind him, cursing bitterly and snarling at the triumph of his victim.



老师的评语：Remember to: Add setting description, transition words, expand ending.



我怎么觉得就是词藻的堆砌，没有故事结构呢？